Things are going pretty well in the Miller household. In fact, I think things with Gemma are going better than I expected. It's been a little tough this week with school starting...getting Gracie ready in the morning...not knowing if we should let Gemma sleep or get her up to say goodbye to Daddy and Jie Jie. It's a work in progress, and probably still will be for days, weeks, months, and well, let's face it...years to come.
I don't want you to think that everything is roses and sunshine (although it's been beautifully sunny and in the 90s here the last few days), because there are some struggles, too. It's so hard to put into words what I'm feeling. I've pretty much been a mushball since we got home. It's hard to know if what I'm feeling is normal or not; if others have felt this way too, or not; or if I should even vocalize what I'm feeling to my husband. What if he hears what I'm feeling and decides I'm unfit to mother his children?! Then what???
Well, I was reading some posts on the adoption forum that I've come to rely heavily upon--especially during the dreadful wait for LOA--because there are SO MANY "BTDTs": Been There Done Thats. And sure enough, I found a post that hit home.
I'm sitting at my computer in the office, and Gemma is playing with some toys around me. I start reading this post by another AP (adoptive parent), and I just start BAWLING. I mean...BAWLING. I could not stop sobbing. It just came out. I had to put my head down and cry. I.could.not.help.it. I swear, that post was about me! It sure felt like it anyway.
Well, when I came to my senses, I realized there was a 4-year-old girl who had stopped her playing and was looking at me with a concerned look on her face. I motioned for her to come to me, and she did. And I gave her a hug and through my tears told her I loved her. She immediately said, "I lub oo" and showed me "i love you" in sign language. (I've been trying to teach her the sign for I love you, and it's so cute when she does it, because she can't quite get her fingers to work.) Then she pointed to the upstairs, and I thought she had to go potty, so I said "okay." A minute later she came down with a napkin for me to wipe my tears and my nose. Hello! More tears...but this time of joy. What a sensitive little girl!! We are SO BLESSED!!!!
So, anyway, for those of you who are wondering how we are doing, how things are going, what we're really feeling inside, read this blog post and you'll get a pretty good idea.
We are blessed beyond measure!!! Thank you God!!!