tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-61469968534173857092024-03-12T20:20:19.452-07:00#Miller6PackThe adventures of the Millers!Simon Millerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00326851017370137234noreply@blogger.comBlogger225125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-26954249813646253872018-10-07T18:05:00.000-07:002018-10-07T18:10:26.827-07:00Malleability<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">The other day, we had a marathon session at Shriner’s with our youngest. She </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">went through a pretty </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">hellish surgery/recovery a little over a year ago, from which </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">she still suffers PTSD. (She gets freaked </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">out thinking that the doctors had to cut </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">her to fix her hips.) Anyway, at one point during our session, she </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">saw her x-rays </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">with a large screw in one hip. For some reason, that screw caused her to get really </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">quiet and sad. She was even brushing tears off her cheeks at one point. When I pulled </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">her close to me </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">and asked what she was feeling, she said “mommy, I don’t remember </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">any China words.” From there, </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">she went to several other statements about her life in </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">China...her “old” mom, dad, and brother, to…"I </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">miss my China friends.”</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">You see, in the adoption community, and often from outside it, we hear or are told that </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">our kids are </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">resilient. That they can bounce back from the trauma they’ve faced, and </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">that the lives they have now </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">can somehow erase or make up for their traumatic </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">experiences. This rings false with me, based on my </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">own experiences with my children </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">as well as from the research I’ve done on this topic. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">I prefer to describe my children as malleable. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">In my mind, I see a hammer bouncing off an object that is resilient. But I see a hammer </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">l</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-variant-east-asian: normal; font-variant-numeric: normal; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">eaving a mark </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">on a malleable object. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Trauma leaves a mark on our kids. Sometimes lots of marks.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">It’s our job as adoptive parents to love them between the trauma marks. To help them feel </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">safe between </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">the trauma marks. To teach them skills to deal with and maybe even move </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">beyond the trauma marks. </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">Even to use the trauma marks for good in their lives. To help </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">them be strong and independent between </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">the trauma marks. To leave other marks on our </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">kids...of love, safety, peace, strength, independence...</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">between the trauma marks. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">Sometimes we are successful. Sometimes we are not.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Our kids are not resilient. They are malleable. </span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">When we finally got home from Shriner’s that day, she ran in the house, found the nearest </span><br />
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">notepad, and </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">drew a “Chinese character.” She showed it to me with a big grin on her face; </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">a grin almost of relief. That </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">she still knew a Chinese word. I have no idea if it really is a </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">Chinese character or not. But I sure </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; white-space: pre;">celebrated it like it was.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Love marks between the trauma marks.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-size: 11pt; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre;">Malleability.</span></div>
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Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04946579247957621257noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-69381768455979972922017-07-28T12:25:00.004-07:002017-07-28T12:25:57.605-07:00Humility<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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When we first adopted Gladdie, no...I have to go back further.<br />
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When we first got a doctor's opinion on Gladdie's file, before we'd even met her, and knowing that she walked with a severe limp, I assumed that hip surgery would be in her future. And to be honest, it terrified me.<br />
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It was honestly my worst fear in this entire adoption...her, at age 8, being stuck in a body cast for weeks on end...unable to walk, play, swim, bathe, or use the toilet. It was scary.<br />
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I think the Lord had some mercy on me, though, because when I first heard the word "surgery," it was way last October. I had months to plan and prepare for it.<br />
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I remember thinking: It's all for Gladdie. She will be so much stronger for this. She will be better for this. It's better to do this now than wait until she's older. Let's just get it over with and allow her to move on in life.<br />
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Surgery went well. We were out of the hospital in 2 days. Her pain seemed very minimal, and overall her spirits were pretty good. She had one "meltdown" when we'd been home only a short time. Other than that...she has been the BEST patient. I mean that seriously. The BEST.<br />
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I admit that there were times when I was selfish and didn't want to "serve" her. She was completely helpless. She had to rely on us for EVERYTHING. And the Lord would remind of that. Remind me of how she must feel to be completely dependent on other people for her very life, especially after being such an independent child.<br />
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We moved her down to the cool basement after a week or so. And that's where she stayed for the rest of her "confinement." Again, I can't emphasize enough what a great patient she was. She was content to sit in her chair with her iPad or "compuyee" and play/listen to her heart's content. Her sisters would come down and interact with her, and always at least one person would eat meals with her.<br />
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Close to the end of the 6 weeks, the word "humility" came to me. I was reminded of Jesus and how He washed the disciples' feet. What a wonderful example of humility. This whole experience has been one of humility. For all of us.<br />
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For Gladdie: she had to humbly accept our help for EVERYTHING; she experience physical humility in that the cast prevented her from wearing any clothing on her bottom half; she had to accept our serving her.<br />
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For us: we had to humbly acknowledge that we had to do everything for her--feed, clothe, bathe, toilet...everything; we also had to acknowledge that her physical health was dependent on us, as well as her mental and emotional health. That brings with it quite a feeling of humility.<br />
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A few verses that really capture my heart about humility...</div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"> <span style="background-color: white;">Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Eph 4:2</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: calibri, arial, verdana;"> </span><span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, “Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.” Mark 9:35</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> <span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">Then he said to them, “Whoever welcomes this little child in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me welcomes the one who sent me. For it is the one who is least among you all who is the greatest.” Luke 9:48</span><span style="background-color: white;"> </span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I think that this experience, which of course </span>strengthened<span style="font-family: inherit;"> Gladdie's physical body and will improve her overall health and life, was equally meant for me. To give me a first-hand, visible lesson on humility and the great </span>responsibility<span style="font-family: inherit;"> and honor it is to raise and care for these children that God has given us.</span></span></div>
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04946579247957621257noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-58009631762192714762016-06-17T10:20:00.002-07:002016-06-17T10:20:19.442-07:00Robes of RighteousnessWe met Gladys Mae 7 weeks and 4 days ago. That's 53 days total. For over 40 of those days, Gladdie refused to wear anything but her Gotcha Day outfit.<br />
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We knew (mostly) the "why" of this phenomenon. For the days in China, we decided to just let it ride. Her entire world was changing, and this ONE thing was all that she could control. Plus, she was grieving HARD for her "mama," and I think these clothes gave her comfort in her grief.<br />
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Once we arrived home, we hoped that she would embrace her new life with as much vigor as she grieved her old.<br />
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She kind of did.<br />
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But not with her clothes.<br />
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She clung to those things for days...and days...and weeks...and weeks.<br />
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My parents came to visit in early June...we'd been home for a few weeks by that point.<br />
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My mom said that Gladdie's Gotcha outfit was starting to look a little worn out. I totally agreed. And it brought to my mind again an idea that had been swirling around in there since China.<br />
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Her clinging to her worn out Gotcha outfit was like the new Christian who sometimes hangs on to her filthy rags even though, through her new life in Christ, she has access to beautiful robes of righteousness.<br />
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Why was Gladdie hanging onto her "filthy rags"? Control. Fear. Lack of trust. Sorrow. Anger. Comfort.<br />
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Why does the saint hang onto her "filthy rags"? For. The. Exact. Same. Reasons.<br />
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We feel the need to control our life still rather than turn it over to Him.<br />
We fear that He will not take care of us.<br />
We do not trust Him fully yet.<br />
We mourn our old way of life to some degree.<br />
We struggle with anger over having to relinquish what, in our finite vision, seems like SO much.<br />
We find comfort in our old things because the new is scary and uncomfortable.<br />
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Back to my parents' visit in early June. They took us out to dinner and invited the kids to swim at the pool in their hotel. We were pretty sure that Gladdie would not swim, but I took her suit just in case.<br />
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Also with us (and back for the summer!) were Auntie Ruth and cousin Owen. So, the 3 Gs and Owen got in the pool. I kept showing Gladdie her suit and asking if she wanted to put it on. She kept shaking her head "no."<br />
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Then, Auntie Ruth rolled up her pant legs and stuck her toes in the hot tub. We asked Gladdie if she wanted to do the same. Here is her reply:<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7Q67TcEP-gA/V2QswRIdB3I/AAAAAAAANe0/pOE5Absj398QxBsvDPTy7b7mBquCfaGZACLcB/s1600/feetwet.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-7Q67TcEP-gA/V2QswRIdB3I/AAAAAAAANe0/pOE5Absj398QxBsvDPTy7b7mBquCfaGZACLcB/s320/feetwet.jpg" width="176" /></a></div>
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Then, I showed her the swimsuit again and asked if she wanted to put it on. Here is her reply:<br />
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Op3FBD1me8Y/V2Qs59vigdI/AAAAAAAANe8/ifmCL_jX23sc40lQRXK8gxROd1QIsz8dgCLcB/s1600/halfwayin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Op3FBD1me8Y/V2Qs59vigdI/AAAAAAAANe8/ifmCL_jX23sc40lQRXK8gxROd1QIsz8dgCLcB/s320/halfwayin.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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And then, this:</div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cmVot-gqKrs/V2Qs_rrvCSI/AAAAAAAANfE/1UMJ67rcFZEtyfhLf8GByv-m9ywHu03RQCLcB/s1600/allin.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-cmVot-gqKrs/V2Qs_rrvCSI/AAAAAAAANfE/1UMJ67rcFZEtyfhLf8GByv-m9ywHu03RQCLcB/s320/allin.jpg" width="176" /></a></div>
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The next day, she went right back to her Gotcha outfit. But, because of the progress she made the night before, I decided to be bold. Because the weather was so warm, I forbade her from wearing her hot nylon socks and plastic shoes. I pulled out a pair of sandals.</div>
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At first, she gave me the hand shake which means "NO." But then, I pulled out some toenail polish and showed her that we could paint her toenails a pretty color. I had her. Here was her reply:</div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kfdVpGBXECU/V2Qtdl2KWCI/AAAAAAAANfQ/cBq_sqoXRwMDr8c56J-OzzVaV9n7qLFswCLcB/s1600/tootsies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-kfdVpGBXECU/V2Qtdl2KWCI/AAAAAAAANfQ/cBq_sqoXRwMDr8c56J-OzzVaV9n7qLFswCLcB/s320/tootsies.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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The next day was Sunday. She went right back to her Gotcha outfit. But I was still feeling bold, so I gave her the sandals to put on. Also, I gave her a dress (all 4 Gs have the same dress, and the other 3 Gs were wearing it to church that day) to wear. I indicated that she could wear it over her Gotcha outfit. Here is her reply:</div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wcl-89232X8/V2QtyqPc8DI/AAAAAAAANfc/5gkVNnsTYRcYveF2EcfEdS4HnR_CqDznQCLcB/s1600/trying.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-wcl-89232X8/V2QtyqPc8DI/AAAAAAAANfc/5gkVNnsTYRcYveF2EcfEdS4HnR_CqDznQCLcB/s320/trying.jpg" width="176" /></a></div>
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After church, it was SO hot outside, that I just knew it was time to get her out of her hot, heavy Gotcha pants. So when we got home, I pulled out a Strawberry Shortcake skirt that grandma and grandpa had purchased for her. Here is her reply:</div>
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<a href="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HzQm3mnKFno/V2QuFAfqTHI/AAAAAAAANfo/FOZBQynkp68OEvVrddI3LtIHg3VeTUENQCLcB/s1600/almost.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://2.bp.blogspot.com/-HzQm3mnKFno/V2QuFAfqTHI/AAAAAAAANfo/FOZBQynkp68OEvVrddI3LtIHg3VeTUENQCLcB/s320/almost.jpg" width="176" /></a></div>
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The next day, she had to go with us to take Gia to get an MRI. We knew we'd be in the hospital all day. But we needed to keep the outfit ball rolling. Here is her reply:</div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KTJ9iQfLguA/V2QpOKX55KI/AAAAAAAANdY/L4KB-Wp5X3AbcwdZx6GuD0QGsYyNAcLiACKgB/s1600/minniemouse.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-KTJ9iQfLguA/V2QpOKX55KI/AAAAAAAANdY/L4KB-Wp5X3AbcwdZx6GuD0QGsYyNAcLiACKgB/s320/minniemouse.jpg" width="239" /></a></div>
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Every day since that hospital day, Gladdie has worn a new outfit. She kept wearing her Gotcha undies for several days. But finally, we found some Disney ones that she liked, and now she doesn't even wear the old undies. </div>
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In fact, she often jumps for joy when I offer her new clothing choices each day. She says, herself, "pitty" when she's dressed and her hair is done.</div>
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And she is beautiful. In these new "robes," we can see not just the outward transformation, but the inward as well.</div>
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She is more comfortable. More trusting. Less fearful. More confident.</div>
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Oh, if only the saints would embrace the robes of righteousness offered by our Lord the way Gladdie has embraced her new wardrobe. </div>
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Let the old life go, Saints. Embrace all that your Father has for you. </div>
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He is good. </div>
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He loves you. </div>
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He will care for and protect you. </div>
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He knows your every need before you even ask it. </div>
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Let Him love you.</div>
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Take a lesson from Gladys Mae. Lay down the filthy rags. Put on the robes of righteousness.</div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WvDNZeZavm8/V2QpMa3_pZI/AAAAAAAANdY/XjQ7jZFHkEMWoPeVuCvQTIT_tH3outjQwCKgB/s1600/shades.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-WvDNZeZavm8/V2QpMa3_pZI/AAAAAAAANdY/XjQ7jZFHkEMWoPeVuCvQTIT_tH3outjQwCKgB/s320/shades.jpg" width="176" /></a></div>
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04946579247957621257noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-69618521324357420382016-05-25T12:55:00.003-07:002016-05-25T12:55:55.474-07:00We Will Walk<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Gladdie Mae went 27 days in a row wearing her Gotcha outfit. We started kidding with each other...making bets for how long she’d hold out. </span></div>
<b id="docs-internal-guid-ce90f2ad-e974-75b2-f2f4-e869a7531db1" style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then came Sunday. She didn’t change out of her pjs all day. Then Monday, the same. Then Tuesday, the same.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We Thought, HOPed, PRAYED that she was turning a corner in her trust and acceptance of us. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Could it finally be?</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Then, that tiny sliver of sunlight was shut out when the window slammed down this morning.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She got dressed in her Gotcha outfit. Once again.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I’m not going to lie. I was upset. I melted down.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Partly from pride/jealousy. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">(Am I not enough for her? Why can’t she love me like she loves her foster mama?)</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Partly from inconvenience. (Geez, now I’m going to have to wash this outfit every night again!)</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But mostly from a broken heart...for my daughter.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Here she is, having just had the rug pulled out from under her. Her entire world topsy-turvy. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">She’s trying to make sense of it all by clinging for dear life to the only tangible thing she has from her old life. Probably hoping with every fiber of her being that she’ll get to go back to that old life.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">My.Heart.Is.Breaking.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So I wept. And I let her see me weeping. I want her to know that she is not alone in this topsy-turvy mess. I weep for and with her.</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I think she partly understood, because at one point, she handed me a tissue.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I'm grateful to a gracious God who forgives me my meltdowns. And a little girl, who does too.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, what to do when your hope for your child has just been shattered into a million pieces?</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">You pick up your frustrated, weepy self by the scruff of the neck, and...you walk.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">We live in a beautiful gulch that goes for a few miles up into the surrounding hills. I started walking up and down it a few months ago during some particularly stressful times in our adoption process. I found great comfort walking to a steady beat, listening to worship music, and praying as I walked.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So, I put the wee one in the stroller, in all her Gotcha-outfit-glory, and I pushed her for a couple miles.</span></div>
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-CNtM5CXTWy8/V0YB2fKJvoI/AAAAAAAANY4/I8dKI1y57wIOXzlXUmSdd-vVIZBGokR1gCLcB/s1600/20160512_111008.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="180" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-CNtM5CXTWy8/V0YB2fKJvoI/AAAAAAAANY4/I8dKI1y57wIOXzlXUmSdd-vVIZBGokR1gCLcB/s320/20160512_111008.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I pushed until my legs burned and my heart was thumping out of my chest.</span></div>
<b style="font-weight: normal;"><br /></b>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And I prayed the entire time. Sometimes my prayer was just “Jesus….”</span></div>
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<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Often, I can’t find the words to describe the pain...He knows. So I just say His name.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="line-height: 1.38; margin-bottom: 0pt; margin-top: 0pt;">
<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Walking is great therapy. It's good to get out in nature, to work your muscles, to be reminded of God's beauty and glory. To know that in this huge, vast universe, God cares for little Gladdie and her broken heart. God cares for us as we care for and love her. God knows.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I long for the day when she is at peace...with us.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">But until then...we will walk.</span></div>
<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04946579247957621257noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-83057301967911534202016-05-11T22:30:00.001-07:002016-05-11T22:30:32.940-07:00Re-EntryIn the adoption community, the act of returning home after an international adoption, and all that ensues, is referred to as re-entry. It can be some of the HARDEST days of the process.<br />
<br />
So far, our re-entry has been pretty smooth. But I digress. Let me start at the beginning of the end.<br />
<br />
We last posted about our last day in China. We were pretty ready to get home. But, we were kind of dreading the trip. Just a LOT of logistics with a LOT of kids. LOL<br />
<br />
We had a very early wake-up...3:45 for Simon and me and 4:30 for the Gs. We met our guide in the hotel lobby at 5 am. We couldn't believe how quiet the lobby was! Although we did see a few all night party-ers coming "home" at that time.<br />
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The ride to the airport was uneventful, but our guide told us a couple times that they have had "many problems" with similar flight schedules as ours was that day. So I was a bit apprehensive. If I had known what was coming, I would have high-tailed it right back to the hotel, called our travel agent, and re-scheduled our flights. Hindsight.<br />
<br />
We were flying out of Guangzhou to Shanghai, and then to Seattle. The way China operates, we were not allowed to check our bags all the way through to Seattle. We were told we had to pick up our bags, re-check them, and then get on our international flight. Well, okay. As it was, we had a 2.5 hour layover before our Seattle flight. Plenty of time, right???<br />
<br />
Wellllllllll, as we boarded our flight in Guangzhou (one of those get on a bus, ride out the the middle of the tarmac, climb some metal steps, and get on the plane kinds of boarding), we could tell something was wrong. There was NO AIR. It was STIFLING hot in that plane! Oh no! Could this hold us up and eat into all of the time we would need for our transfer in Shanghai? You better believe it!<br />
<br />
The air conditioning was "broken...thank you for inconvenience." I think what the computer-generated translator meant was "sorry for the inconvenience." Uh, yeah! You better be sorry!<br />
<br />
So, we sat on that tarmac for I-don't-know-how-long. All the while, I'm trying to swallow the lump of PANIC that has started to make its way up from the pit of my stomach. Please, God. PLEASE let us make our connection!!!<br />
<br />
Finally, our flight is ready to go--with a fixed air-conditioner(!)--and I refuse to check the time. I don't want to see how late we are. I just keep praying the entire time.<br />
<br />
Oh. I forgot to say that say that our seats on this flight were in 6 different rows...37C, 43C, 44C, 45C, 46C, and 47C. I was in 43C and Gladdie was 4 rows behind me in 47C. Really, Shanghai Airlines? REALLY?!?! So I <strike>not so</strike> patiently show the ticket numbers to an attendant, point to Gladdie, and she asks a gentleman next to me if he'd mind moving back. Whew!<br />
<br />
So, we're in the air on our way to Shangahi, eating some sort of rice noodle breakfast, and things are looking up. I'm feeling pretty good about. The pilot announces our descent into Shanghai--"we will land at 10:10 am" (our connecting flight wasn't until 12:00 noon!)--all is right with the world!<br />
<br />
Well, all WOULD HAVE been right with the world, if Shanghai Pudong Airport wasn't the BIGGEST AIRPORT IN THE ENTIRE WORLD AND OUR PLANE HAD TO "PARK" A MILLION MILES AWAY FROM THE TERMINAL!!!!!<br />
<br />
I am not kidding.<br />
<br />
We landed at 10:10. You know how long it takes to disembark, right? All the pushing, shoving, etc. Women and children first? Connecting flights first? Don't be silly!<br />
<br />
As a family of 6, we were LAST off the plane. Stuffed into a bus, and away we go to the terminal. Halfway there, the bus stops. And just sits there. It's 10:34. PANIC. Why have we stopped? Come on, people, let's go!!!! Oh, and Gladdie indicates she needs to use the bathroom. Of COURSE she does. Of course.<br />
<br />
Turns out, we were stopped waiting for PLANES TO GO BY on their way to take-off. Seriously. That's how far away from the terminal we were.<br />
<br />
And it's 10:34. And our connecting flight leaves at noon. And we still have to...well, you get the picture.<br />
<br />
Finally, FINALLY, we arrive at the terminal. We rush to a restroom. We RUSH to the baggage claim. I RUSH to a Delta person. I show her our boarding pass for the Seattle flight and how it starts boarding at 11:25. She nods, says "wait here," and goes to look through the baggage claim door to see if any baggage is coming yet. I'm not positive, but I'm pretty sure that she sensed the PANIC in my voice and was WILLING our luggage to get there ASAP.<br />
<br />
But remember how far our plane was out on the tarmac? Well, our luggage had to come all.that.way.too.<br />
<br />
Finally, FINALLY our bags come through on the conveyor belt. It is now 11:05.<br />
NOT EVEN KIDDING.<br />
<br />
We race to pile them onto 2 luggage carts, race to the "Transfer Desk," race to put them through an x-ray machine, race...<br />
<br />
Wait. Why did you have to put them through an x-ray machine when they just came off a domestic flight, you may ask??????? Well, as my wise sister, who used to live in China, says: TIC. (This Is China) I think I remember Simon, at this point, yelling "I need you to stop throwing the luggage, Amy!"<br />
<br />
Race to put our bags back onto the carts, race through the elastic maze to the transfer desk...<br />
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...and BEG the Delta people for help! A man comes up to us with a dot-matrix print out with passenger names on it. We point our names out, he puts a check mark next to them, and we think "Whew! We're going to be okay!"<br />
<br />
And then we stand at the desk for what seems like HOURS!!! The time is now 11:20.<br />
<br />
It looks as though people behind the desk are working on something, but what that something is??? We do not know because NOBODY is telling us ANYTHING!<br />
<br />
I seriously thought about bursting into tears at that point. Maybe that would help our cause.<br />
<br />
Finally, FINALLY, after hand writing the luggage routing numbers from stickers on each piece, a woman indicates that we can start putting our bags on the conveyor belt (THEY HAD TO RE-TICKET EACH BAG!!!!), and before we get to our 2nd luggage cart, she brings our boarding passes to us, writes "25" on mine, and says "3rd floor." We then frantically leave our 6 pieces of luggage with total strangers, trusting they will load them and tag them correctly.<br />
<br />
Gate 25, 3rd floor. Okay. We can do this. The time is now 11:25. Our flight is boarding. Now.<br />
<br />
We race. And I mean RACE. Think Amazing Race style. Gracie and Gemma are ahead, I'm carrying a 35-lb backpack in the middle, and Simon is carrying a 50-lb backpack AND a 45-lb little Chinese girl. Said Chinese girl is absolute DEAD WEIGHT when it comes to being carried. Said Chinese girl is also yelling in Mandarin, taking Simon's glasses off, and slapping his head, almost playfully. Seriously.<br />
<br />
We run, up 3 flights of escalators, looking for gate 25 arrows. Finally find a "Gates 16-29" sign and kick it in high gear.<br />
<br />
Then, everything comes to a crashing halt. We have to go through immigration. You heard me correctly. To LEAVE China, you must pass through immigration.<br />
<br />
AAAACCCKKKKK!!!<br />
<br />
I find an employee directing foot traffic, show her that our flight is BOARDING NOW, and she rearranges the elastic maze for us to squeak ahead of lots of people. Yeah! It's now 11:35.<br />
<br />
But wait!!! She asks us if we have our yellow cards filled out. Yellow cards? What yellow cards? Nobody said anything about yellow cards.<br />
<br />
DOUBLE AAAACCCKKKKK!!!!!<br />
<br />
We need to fill out a yellow card for EACH member of our family, including passport numbers, names, addresses, and flight details. ARE.YOU.KIDDING.ME.<br />
<br />
I really just wanted to fall to the floor in a puddle, curl up in a ball, and transport myself to another dimension.<br />
<br />
No way! We've come this far! We are NOT missing our flight!<br />
<br />
Simon and I take 3 yellow cards each and start writing. I have no idea what I wrote. I'm sweating like crazy, the pen is slippery in my hands, my handwriting is unrecognizable. WHATEVER!<br />
<br />
Finally, FINALLY we get our yellow cards filled out. I think people were steering clear of us #crazyAmericans because we walked right up to the immigrations officer with no one in line in front of us. I show him our boarding pass--that our flight is BOARDING NOW--and he <strike>kind of but not really</strike> rushes us through immigrations. We both had that Clark Griswold look in our eyes.<br />
<br />
Whew! We're home-free! Just gotta find our gate. The time is 11:45.<br />
<br />
But wait! We still have to go through security! That's right. SECURITY.<br />
<br />
Do you know what a PAIN this is when it's just one person? Try multiplying that times 4 kids who have electronic devices that must be removed from backpacks. Add to it a wee Chinese girl who thinks everything is funny and a game, and a technology coordinator whose ENTIRE backpack must be emptied--- Every laptop, every battery pack, every tablet. #untimelyfirstworldproblems<br />
<br />
TRIPLE AAAACCCKKKKK!!!!!<br />
<br />
I about fainted at this point. But, this Mama was not about to be denied. No way, no how!!!<br />
<br />
I yell--yes, yell (not my finest moment)--at the Gs to remove their iPads from their backpacks and get ready to go through security.<br />
<br />
I gotta say, the 3 Gs were rockstars here. Somehow, I honestly don't know how, I and the 4 Gs are through security and ready to go. Poor Simon is getting practically cavity-searched at this point. I say to Gracie: "Gate 25...RUN!" The time is now 11:55.<br />
<br />
She and Gem take off. I yell at Simon that we're going on, he yells back at me "I'll carry Gladdie...you go!" and we're off!<br />
<br />
Imagine this, if you will...<br />
<br />
1. Sweet Gracie leading the pack...rolling her carry-on behind her, sprinting like a champ. She's always been our map-reading, directional wizard. So far ahead of me that my mom instincts remind me about stranger danger and child abduction, but I just shake it off. No time to worry about that now!<br />
2. Gemma right behind her. Running like crazy but having to hold her pants up with one hand because they're too big! (Telling me later that she plays soccer...she could keep running.)<br />
3. Me, lumbering with my heavy backpack, sweat dripping--yes, dripping!--down my back and legs.<br />
4. Gia, what a champ--alternating between running and walking fast, keeping up with me.<br />
5. And Simon and Gladdie. He's carrying her and running with his backpack on. He's soaked through his t-shirt. She doesn't know how to wrap her legs around when being held, so his knees are hitting her legs with every step. And she's just having a grand old time laughing, hitting his head, yelling at him in Mandarin, blowing raspberries in his face, and taking his glasses on and off.... still.<br />
<br />
I cannot make this stuff up.<br />
<br />
I kid you not...Gate 25 was THE.ABSOLUTE.LAST.GATE.IN.THE.TERMINAL.<br />
<br />
Of COURSE it was.<br />
<br />
I see the gate before I'm actually there. I see the attendant holding her hand out to take my passports/boarding passes. I expect a "you made it!" from her. It seems like a mirage.<br />
<br />
We all, except for Gladdie of course, are doubled over trying to catch our breath. There appears to be some kind of problem with one of our boarding passes. At that point, I don't care. They can't leave without us. We made it, right?<br />
<br />
Much to my surprise, while we are waiting there, panting, several more passengers come to the gate...all looking surprisingly calm, cool, and collected compared to how I'm sure I appeared at that moment. I felt a slight triumph at not being last to reach the gate. Ha ha! Victory is mine! I shall not be denied!<br />
<br />
They finally get us checked in, hand me all the passports, and we take the escalator down to the "hallway" to the plane. There, they check our boarding passes AGAIN. Apparently, there is STILL something wrong with one of them. I care not. I'm in a state of euphoria at this point, having made our flight just in the nick of time. Or maybe I was really that close to passing out from exertion. I'm not sure. I do know that my legs felt like jelly at that point.<br />
<br />
Finally, FINALLY they let us through. Oh wait! One more bag check before you enter the plane. "Ma'am, do you have any bottled water in your bag?" "Sir, I just RAN through this ENTIRE airport in less than 20 minutes, including immigration AND security with 4 kids, one of whom doesn't understand a thing that's going on. When do you think I had time to purchase a bottle of water? And speaking of water, I'm absolutely parched. Do you have any?"<br />
<br />
We get on the plane, find our seats, get the Gs situated...and for the next 12 hours, I don't care what happens.<br />
<br />
WE.ARE.ON.OUR.WAY.HOME.<br />
<br />
<br />
So, getting back to re-entry...<br />
<br />
It's actually gone quite well. My folks, 2 sisters, nieces/nephews, in-laws, aunt/uncle, and cousins all greeted us at the airport.<br />
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What a sweet welcome for our newest American. BTW, Gladdie became an American citizen the second the plane touched down in Seattle. :)<br />
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We rode back to mom and dad's where we stayed for 3 days.<br />
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We left China Friday morning and returned to Seattle on...Friday morning. So we basically had to relive a day. Except for Gracie and me, all the Millers stayed up until 6/7 that evening. From that night until now, all the Gs have slept at least 8 hours (Gladdie, more) each night. Praise the Lord!<br />
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We drove back to Idaho on Monday. #swaggerwagon And the 3 Gs went back to school today.<br />
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I will stay home with Gladdie for the rest of the school year.<br />
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None of us got sick, like in 2014.<br />
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So far, it's been the smoothest re-entry of them all.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04946579247957621257noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-18841011128999168912016-05-05T06:56:00.000-07:002016-05-05T06:56:09.557-07:00Gladdie--Day 11--The Wonderful, Heartbreaking, Beautiful Story<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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The last full day of our China trips are always #bittersweet. We want to absorb as much of the culture that we can while not stressing ourselves out before our BIG day of travel. As Simon mentioned earlier, it's so #bittersweet.<br />
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If I think about it too much, I might start to weep. This is Gladdie's last full day in her birth country...the country she's lived in for 7 years. The language, food, people, and smells that she's used to. This is the last day she will experience all those. We are blessed that each of the other Gs have been able to re-visit the land of their birth. But who knows what the future holds? We have no idea if Gladdie will ever have the opportunity to return to her birth land again.<br />
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Thus, it's #bittersweet.<br />
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We awoke late and had a leisurely breakfast at the amazing hotel buffet.<br />
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We lingered and fed the koi both in the upper AND lower ponds.<br />
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We had some nice downtime in our apartment, starting to pack and trying to relax.<br />
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Mommy went out alone to purchase a new piece of luggage and do a *little* shopping at H & M across the street.<br />
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We sent daddy out for some Chinese McD's for lunch.<br />
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We took a walk to a new/different part of Guangzhou in search of last minute souvenirs/gifts.<br />
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We played some apartment living room basketball.<br />
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We watched some Chinese cartoons and whatever else looked interesting to a certain someone.<br />
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We went to the pool one last time (this was the hottest day since our arrival!).<br />
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We went to a familiar restaurant for our last dinner in GZ. They were even showing Star Wars on one of their TVs. It was meant to be.<br />
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And we got the girls 1 last faux ice cream cone from 7 Eleven on our walk back to our apartment.<br />
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Now, the girls are bathed and in bed; most of our bags are packed and ready; we have returned the stroller we borrowed to the concierge; we have ordered a luggage cart to be sent up at 4:45 am; we are pretty much ready to go.<br />
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But part of me doesn't want to go. I think part of that feeling might be due to the fact that the REAL work of adding Gladdie to our family really begins once we get home. But I think mostly, I'm nostalgic for her sake. Trying to take it all in so that I can tell her the wonderful, heartbreaking, beautiful story of how she entered our family.<br />
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I don't want to miss a thing!<br />
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So, please keep us in your prayers. We have a super early morning and 17+ hours of travel time PLUS jet lag to contend with once we arrive back in the states.<br />
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This #goingtogladdie journey is really <b>just beginning</b>. We covet your prayers for many more days, weeks, months to come. We will love sharing how Gladdie transitions into our family.<br />
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We will love sharing the wonderful, heartbreaking, beautiful story of the #Miller6Pack.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04946579247957621257noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-55803830241392898962016-05-04T08:36:00.000-07:002016-05-04T17:49:36.196-07:00Gladdie--Day10--We've Come So Far... After a "day off" according to the itinerary, we have had lots of time to reflect on our experience so far. There is only so much we can do in a 2 bedroom high rise apartment in the heart of Guangzhu China. But we've made the most of it, right?<br />
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What a journey this has been. From the decision to pursue another adoption, to the referral, to our travels to meet Gladys, the twists and turns have far surpassed anything we could have imagined... and then some. It is interesting, in hindsight, or at least so far, to see how each of our journeys to our daughters have been unique, and progressively challenging in a variety of ways. Of course, in addition to being unique, the challenges have been incrementally more challenging, or in other words, God has not given us more than we could handle. There have been a few moments where I have wondered and even doubted, but each and every time, ultimately, He has proven more than faithful.<br />
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This experience has not been an exception, not for one moment. I am remembering a little over a week ago, fresh off 15+ hours of flights, settling into our room at the Hefei Holiday Inn, the "luxurious" fragrance, the soft glow of city lights and smog, like only a China night can produce. In so many ways, like that first van ride from the Chongqing airport to our hotel, where each pedestrian and bicyclist made me grip my seat in fear, this ride felt similar, only I was somewhat relaxed. This time, we were anxiously calm. Heck, we had done this 3 times prior. I even thought to myself, "skip the small talk Michael (our guide), we know what to expect." But even then, we listened carefully, while sharing where each of our daughters were from, Gracie: Fuling City, Gemma: Zhongshan City, and Gia, Shijiazhuang. All three, so different, yet so very similar. We were veterans at this gig... confidently nervous.<br />
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I vividly remember how great the bed and pillow of that Holiday Inn felt, especially after 2 long flights, and wrangling 5 pieces of luggage multiple times, with airport staff who don't speak more than 2 or 3 words of English. Even with our experience, the trek, and the heat was enough to wear a person out. Oh, yeah, and I'm not 30 anymore, so there's that. Sleep took over almost the minute my head hit the pillow of my share of the "double" bed that we settled for, so we could have an adjacent joining room. Yes we had some "rest" the next day, but somehow, my mind and body hit the fast forward button for that day. That next night, it was time to go to sleep. Again, the travel had taken a toll, and I was ready. I was able to fall asleep quickly, but my biorhythm took over a few hours later, and I was awakened by the expectant beating of my heart. This one was different; I could feel it. I put my trust in God, and I also called upon our experiences, but I still couldn't escape the feeling of expectation. Thankfully, after a few prayers, a podcast in my earbuds helped me go back to sleep.<br />
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The beautiful process of our relationship began that morning. And it has progressed steadily each day, even amidst the hurt, grieving, and frustrations. Starting that day... the van ride... the waiting, and then the moment we got to meet Gladys, all a beautiful patchwork of memories and life experiences, so thick with reality. She immediately displayed her bravery and confidence by taking out a yogurt from her backpack and piercing the top with a straw, with authority. Shortly after some paperwork formalities had commenced, she began to unpack her backpack and share each item with us, beaming with pride. It was as though God was giving us a glimpse of her beautiful personality. Mom and dad really need that.<br />
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Then Gladdie came willingly with us, out of the civil affairs office, into the hallway, with a slight hesitation, and onto the elevator, after a little bit of Mandarin reassurance from our guide, Michael. Out of the building, through cars, pedestrians, and bicycles, we got into our van. It wasn't until a mile or so into the trip back to the hotel, that she showed us a glimpse of her fear and pain. It came in the form of subtle tears and sobs but we knew what it was. It was as though we hoped it didn't come, but knew that it would be a good sigh if it did. #Bittersweet.<br />
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When we got back to the hotel, the grief could not be suppressed. Gladys shared 5+ years of grief and sadness, in the form of pictures, memories, and mementos, over, and over and over. That day felt like 100 days for us, and probably 1000 days for Gladys. But it represented progress, even if it felt like regression. Because Gladys lived with a foster family for 5 years, this transition would be brutal. How does one even begin to explain or soothe this process? Nonetheless, we forged ahead. Brokenness, sadness, love, redemption... minute by minute.<br />
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From Hefei to Guangzhou, another transition, another change. But we made it together. Each minute and hour, we got to know one another a little bit better. Gladys has vacillated from bed to hallway, but each day we are making progress. We are so thankful for her grieving, as it gives us a glimpse into her soft and vulnerable heart. Through each tantrum and fit, we can see insecurity and neediness. We are more than prepared to supplement those with love. These are welcome events and opportunities.<br />
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We still get the tantrums. We still struggle with the language barrier, but the connections and progress far outweigh the hurdles. Where still, Gladys is not willing to consider wearing anything but her "Gotcha" outfit, we see progress in so many other ways. Oh, we are so grateful for Strawberry Shortcake too, for she has been such a comfort these difficult days! Seriously, this movie gets MVP of the entire trip! But seriously, Gladys is making so much progress. Just the countenance in her eyes is exponentially better than just a short week prior. Even phrases in Mandarin have more meaning because of the non-verbal and tone of the message. It is amazing. Just a short week later.<br />
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It has been a little over a week, Gladys Mae. But each hour of each day, we are getting to see and experience more and more of your heart. Heck, we think you were 5/8 of the way towards changing to a swim suit, so you could "youyong," but it was just not quite the time. We have a couple more significant legs of this initial journey, but it is going to be OK. Just you wait and see. We are ready to show you what forever family really means.<br />
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From backpacks, to pictures, to hallway bedrooms, to flights, to strollers, to medical exams, to language barriers, to trips on foot, to rainstorms, to living room basketball, to daytime Chinese TV, we've come so far, and yet have so far to go... together. We will go so very far together, one hour, one day at a time. #GoingToGladdie<br />
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<br />Simon Millerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00326851017370137234noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-52605605884347220672016-05-02T05:28:00.004-07:002016-05-02T05:28:59.177-07:00Gladdie--Day 8--#becausewearefamilyGladdie's grief last night was actually a welcome event. Some might think of Gladdie crying and weeping for hours as a "setback." We don't see it that way. We WANT her to grieve. We want her to remember her first family with love and affection. But we also want her to know that things have changed, we are her new family, and that from here on out it will be that way. That's what grief is primarily about...change. Think of when we lose someone close to us, or a relationship falls apart...most of the grief we experience is for the life that will no longer be. Yes, of course we miss the person, but most of our grief is over what won't be any more.<br />
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It's the same for Gladdie. Part of this grieving process is coming to terms with what the past was and to start the present and look into the future. It's not something that occurs with a snap of the fingers. Grief is a process. And, even when Gladdie is able to embrace this new life and walk face-first into it, we don't for a second want her to ever forget about her past life and the people in it. They are a part of who she is. God brought them into her life for a specific purpose, and we embrace and celebrate them.<br />
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So, we let her weep for "mama" and her foster family. We let her look at pictures from her past life. In fact, we encourage it. And we sit with her, stroke her back, and tell her we are here. We won't go away. #becausewearefamily<br />
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We went to a toy market this morning. And in hindsight, it probably wasn't the best idea for Miss Gladdie to go. It was WAY TOO MUCH stimulation. Shop after shop crammed into floor after floor of STUFF. We were able to get the Gs some cute things, but of course, Gladdie wanted to touch and handle just about everything she saw. What child wouldn't?<br />
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We spent about an hour and a half there. One.and.a.half.hours. Oh. And I forgot to mention that today is a holiday in China--Chinese Labor Day. So probably there were about 5 million people there with us. Whew!<br />
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On the way out, we stopped at a shop that sells traditional Chinese celebratory decor. I picked up some lanterns for next Chinese New Year. We love to celebrate our girls' heritage. #becausewearefamily<br />
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Lunch at Pelicana chicken, and back to the pool for the first time. Gladdie still will not change her clothes. Not even to swim. We showed her the pool a few days ago and she gave us the stink eye. Today when the 3 Gs were in their swim suits, I tried to "encourage" Gladdie to get hers on. Nope.<br />
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So, dad and 3 Gs went swimming, while I and Gladdie (in her long-sleeve blouse, heavy cotton long pants, and stinky socks and shoes) watched from the side. She did bring her bubbles with her and had fun blowing them. She also enjoyed trying on Jie Jies' (older sisters') goggles. #becausewearefamily<br />
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We had pizza for dinner and faux ice cream cones from 7 Eleven for dessert. Now, bath and bedtime.<br />
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We have an early morning tomorrow. We have to go to the US Consulate here in Guangzhou where the immigration officials will look over our paperwork and determine if Gladdie receives a visa to enter the US. It's pretty much a formality, but I do often get a little choked up when the parents have to say an oath about raising our children as Americans under the Constitution of the United States.<br />
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It's also pretty awe-inspiring to see the long lines of Chinese (and other) people waiting to go into the consulate to petition for all kinds of travel visas.<br />
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We are nearing the end of our time here in China. Just a few more days left. It's amazing how badly I want to get home but at the same time how much I long to stay in China...the birthplace of our children.<br />
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It's very bittersweet, as Simon wrote about yesterday. So hard to put into words. But we take each day as it comes, pray for God's grace (which is always just enough) to carry us through, and we live our life together. #becausewearefamily<br />
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04946579247957621257noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-75311849082667425432016-05-01T07:06:00.003-07:002016-05-01T21:53:31.288-07:00Gladdie--Day7--Crossroads: The Sweet Lie & RedemptionWe had a full day, with 10 blog posts or more worth of memories. Shopping, laughter, frustration, fear, elation, contemplation, and much more. But we are going to take a break from the typical recounting type post, and focus instead on some things that we've been feeling. We hope you will find the change of pace, fulfilling.<br />
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One of my go-to idioms is "<b>Bitter-Sweet,</b>" for it so aptly illustrates a juxtaposition of ideas that we so often encounter. There are countless events in our lives where there is something of great value or benefit, that is almost always paired with a significant pain or cost of sorts. Oversimplified, it is what we often refer to as the American Way, that in which to get something we want or desire, we must sacrifice or work hard to attain. We always hope the <b>sweet</b> outweighs the <b>bitter</b>, and it usually does, but often times, the opposite is true. There are no guarantees in this life. Further, this not something that needs the label of wrong or right, to manifest in everything we do, but it is up to us to recognize these moments and maximize them to the fullest. Journey, not destination.<br />
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Now that Amy and I are well into our 4th adoption, this is a concept and trend I am able to recognize much sooner each time. It is the true paradox of real life. New beginnings and redemption, paired with grief and loss of monumental magnitude that bare witness to something that is necessary. It is the crossroads of two divergent paths, which results in emotions that will not just tug at your heart, but take it on a roller coaster ride of monumental proportions. You will experience highs that affirm you of why you are alive, and lows that challenge each and every breath you take. As I said before, <b>Bitter</b>-<b>Sweet</b>.<br />
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When we finally got to meet Gladdie Mae in person, we got to experience how vibrant, confident, and happy this little person could be. This little girl displayed a confidence and swagger, (yes, I said swagger!) like few <strike>7 year olds</strike> people we have ever witnessed! Because we were also nervous and anxious, we really needed that, more than we could have known. For, a few short China hours later, we witnessed how diametrically opposite, and poignant, tragic loss and grief could be, in this broken world we live in. We are thankful that we got to experience these emotions in this sequence, for the former gave us the strength and resolve to persevere through the latter. Both experiences would shape us in more ways than we could have imagined, as we witnessed how excruciatingly painful loss and grief could be. In many ways, we were prepared, and even expected it. Gladdie Mae had lived with a foster family for 5 years. In other words, she had a stable family, a "mama" and a "baba," For all she knew, everything was fine, but in reality, this was not a permanent, long term situation. Unfortunately, we knew this too well. Crossroads...<br />
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So how do you think this little sprout was eventually placed in our care? Sure our acceptance and decision to bring this little person into our family was a cause worth celebrating, but what logistics do you think took place? Think about the loving foster family that provided for, supported, and loved this precious girl. Think about the authentic and loving bonds that were formed. No really, do it. Now imagine how you would go about facilitating the termination of this relationship. Think for a moment, if you will, what you would say and do. How would you prepare yourself to let this precious person go, after years of attachment and devotion. Imagine it with your biological child(ren). It hurts in a big way, doesn't it? Gladys knows how you feel.<br />
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Our guide in Hefei, Michael, explained the process to us while we were commuting back to the Civil Affairs office on day 2, where we had just met Gladdie Mae, just 24 hours prior, as "the <b>sweet lie.</b>" In this particular case, the foster mother tells the child that she is going to do some shopping, and that she would return soon. Except no actual shopping occurred, and the only return would be the foster mother back home, most likely with tears and heart wrenching grief and sadness. On the other end, the child (Gladdie) would be thrust into the care of total strangers. I'll bet you never considered the foster parents' feelings in this scenario, did you? It is OK, I didn't either. At least not until I listened to each and every excruciating sob of "mama...." for an 8+ hour period accompanied by sleeping next to a hotel doorway, no pillow, a bathrobe for a blanket, fully clothed. The sleeping only occurred because of utter exhaustion of crying out for the one person who chose to care for you, but it was sleep nonetheless. The "sweet" in this case is that it softened the anguish of separation, albeit temporarily.<br />
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A cross country flight and several days of 5 star hotel living later, we got a day or two reprieve from the heart ripping mourning. Instead we saw laughter, spunk (lots of spunk), and bravery. I'd argue that pound for pound this little person could hang with anyone, any time, any place in the "courage" department. In these last few days we have experienced so much, despite being confined to a 2 bedroom apartment in the middle of urban China. But all the while, we have known of the tragedy, hurt, and grief that lies beneath the surface. None the less, we press on, finding new experiences and opportunities, to help sooth the sadness. <b>Sweet</b>... to counterbalance the <b>bitter</b>.<br />
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I had the thought repeatedly, over the course of the last few days, "If we could only speak Mandarin, and break the language barrier, we could explain everything and assure Gladys Mae Yuchun Miller that this was all going to be OK." But immediately after that thought, I realized that the healing of a broken heart was not limited by verbal language(s). It doesn't matter what language we speak, the hurt is still very real and persistent. The best thing we can do, is pray, and be there for Gladys, no matter what the circumstance. Time and love. Unconditional, <b>forever</b> love. We promise Gladdie. We can't communicate that verbally to you, but we will prove it to you, every single hour of every single day.<br />
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The last few days have been every bit the adventure we came to expect, and so much more. But your bravery and resilience have far surpassed our expectations, in so many ways. Someday, when you can read this, we want you to know how much we love you, and how much we will always love you. None of this is easy, in fact, it is really hard, and it doesn't seem fair. But even though these last few days have manifested so much loss and hurt, they will be redeemed by family, joy, and unconditional love for as long as we live.<br />
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So here we are at the crossroads of The Sweet Lie, and Redemption. It is a painfully beautiful intersection, but from now on, we will journey down the road of redemption and unconditional love together. The memories of this crossroads will always remain. They will serve as a reminder of the broken world we live in, but also the forever love we have for one another. They will be a reminder of the journey, the journey that we will be together for... forever.<br />
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<br />Simon Millerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00326851017370137234noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-55808998972434962882016-04-30T05:12:00.000-07:002016-04-30T05:12:17.318-07:00Gladdie--Day 6--Miller Clan AcademyToday we visited the famous Chen Clan Academy. We have been here before, but it was nice to visit when it wasn't 95* with 100% relative humidity. It's a very old structure built by the Chen family in order to give the less fortunate an education. The Chen family name is one of the top 5 most prolific family names in all of China, and THE most prolific name in Guangdong province.<br />
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There are carvings all over the structure, and the government re-paints many of the carvings once a year. The colors and intricacy are absolutely amazing!<br />
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The current structure is owned by the government and serves as a museum of sorts. In each room are various artifacts on display, such as jade and ivory carvings, embroidery, and porcelain. Also on display are rooms of the original Chen family and the furniture and arrangements used...kitchen, living room, bedroom. Can you believe they used hollow porcelain blocks as pillows? (They would put important items inside the pillow for safekeeping while they slept.)<br />
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Our guide took us to a couple of reputable shops, and I was able to purchase a jade pendant for Gladys, as well as a trinket of her choice for each of the other Gs. We also ordered a chop to be carved for Gladdie. A chop consists of a piece of marble with the person's zodiac animal on the top (Gladdie's is the Ox). On the bottom is carved the person's name. The idea is that the person dips the chop in ink and stamps it on a document as a kind of "signature."<br />
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We spent a little over an hour there, and then back to the hotel. We actually experienced some Guangzhou rain for the first time ever, we think. It is so pleasant, this trip, to be here when it's not blazing hot! The heat AND humidity tend to zap the energy right out of you.<br />
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We took a walk to the grocery store, Aeon, and got the girls each a water bottle on a string. Every place we've gone so far the girls drink us out of every water we bring (we cannot drink tap water here, so bottled water it is). So we decided to get them each their own. We'll fill them with water before we leave, then they're in charge of carrying their own water. When it's gone, it's gone! Simon and I high-fived ourselves over this brilliant plan.<br />
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We ventured out for dinner at a yummy Thai place called Cow and Bridge. The girls ate chicken and pork fried rice, and Simon and I ate spicy pork lettuce wraps. My most favorite meal. Yum-o!<br />
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It was raining on the way home, and little Missy had to go potty, so the girls and I ran back to the hotel while Simon went to 7 Eleven to get (faux) ice cream cones for dessert.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Beautiful Garden Lobby</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">In-Stroller entertainment! </td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Family outing to Aeon store</td></tr>
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The last few days, we have gently, and subtly, been trying to begin teaching Gladdie what it's like in the Miller family. We remind her to say "thank you" after someone does something for her or gives something to her. We are trying to get her to say "please" rather than pointing and screaming when she wants something . We show her how to fold her hands to pray before meals. (It is hilarious what she does. She folds her hands together and then pressing them together as tightly as she can.) Today, she was the one who reminded us to pray at lunch. We tell her "God bless you!" when she sneezes. We say "I'm sorry" when we do something on accident. All these little things that take time, energy, and doing over and over...we've already begun them.<br />
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I guess, in a way, you could call it the Miller Clan Academy.<br />
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04946579247957621257noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-84579828770846224922016-04-30T01:37:00.000-07:002016-04-30T01:46:37.263-07:00Gladdie--Day 5--Lions & Tigers & T-Rexes... oh my!After the "Dryer Adventure," we were ready for some breakfast, and a trip to the Safari, Gotcha Day outfit freshly washed, multiple times! But first, some Garden Hotel breakfast, and some koi viewing and feeding. This hotel is so cool. You can find many more photos of the <a href="https://goo.gl/photos/CNT13mtDG3RL9kWt5" target="_blank">Safari here in this album!</a><br />
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Next we boarded our van, and headed for the <a href="http://int.chimelong.com/GZ/safari" target="_blank">Guangzhou Chimelong Safari Park</a> which is supposed to be really cool (and boy was it!). We got directions and times from our guide Lucia and made our way to the park. This place is huge! We had a little bit of an idea of what to do, but we had no idea how expansive this place was. Unreal.<br />
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We started off with a "Safari On Wheels" which was a guided trip through part of the park, with amazing views of so many animals! Aside from me not being able to fold our borrowed stroller for the ride, the views were spectacular! Because I was holding an upside down fully expanded stroller, Amy had to take the camera. But it was so cute to see Gladdie insist in taking some of the pictures, with Amy's help, of course.<br />
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Next, we set out on foot to find the Panda exhibit. But it was a tad farther than we anticipated. Along the way we saw may more exotic animals and displays, including a Giraffe exhibit where you could feed them branches! We also got to see the Koalas. So cool!<br />
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Finally we arrived at the Panda exhibit and it did not disappoint. The girls loved all the views as well as the panda baby triplets!<br />
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We next decided to check out a few more exhibits on our way "back" to the North parking lot where we began the day, what we didn't anticipate was that once you start down a path, there are zero exits back to the main patch. So we went on a super cool dinosaur exhibit (albeit much to scary for some), followed by lemurs, monkeys, and much much more. The Gs were all troopers, and the only negative, was that we ran out of time and Gracie Faye didn't get to spend as much time looking at snakes as she wished. Sorry Gracie. Maybe nex.... nevermind.<br />
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All in all the day was long, very long, but full and memorable. Our brave little spitfire, Gladdie Mae didn't shed a tear, for the 2nd day in a row. We ended the day with a fun dinner, and ice cream for dessert.<br />
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Thank God for that healing, and we hope for more to come in the next few days. Maybe even a change of wardrobe!<br />
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<br />Simon Millerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00326851017370137234noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-11358554240479245542016-04-29T23:54:00.001-07:002016-04-29T23:54:11.263-07:00Gladdie--Day 5--Early AM Edition No tears*. 2nd Day in a row.<br />
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But the asterisk denotes that we are acutely aware of the grieving that is going on inside. Sure, we are doing our utmost to stay busy, explore new things together, and even have as much fun as possible, but we know that Gladys is dealing with some really difficult emotions. I still cannot imagine what she must be going through inside, after being completely uprooted from the only life she has known, and placed in the care of 5 complete strangers. We hurt right along with you, little one. </div>
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Today had many milestones and memorable experiences, but for me, the day started a little bit earlier than our typical Garden Hotel itinerary. Remember Gladys' Gotcha Day outfit? The one she insists on wearing every day, despite the very warm temperatures and myriad of other choices? Well, this very significantly represents Gladdie's last connection to her foster family, particularly her foster mom, so we are honoring it and doing all we can to make sure she can do this as long as she needs to. Thankfully we have a washer/drier combo unit in our apartments. A Siemens WD-14H468-TI to be exact. I now know it well. Let me tell you why.<br />
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Amy has been laundering the Gotcha Day outfit, so that at least it is clean each day. The catch is that we have to wait until this little one goes to bed, before we can secretly put them in the wash. This night, I insisted Amy go to bed, and that I'd take the outfit out and hang it up when the cycle completed. The "dryer" is only a dryer in the academic sense, it tumbles & heats up the freshly washed garments. The final drying process is hanging them up, so they are as dry as possible (still not totally dry) by morning.</div>
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So I set my alarm for 2 hours, the length of the wash/dry cycle, and dozed off listening to a little Brock & Salk (Seattle Sports Radio) podcast. The Mariners are in 1st place & the NFL Draft is tomorrow! BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, my phone alarm woke me up at approximately 1:30AM. I drifted into the kitchen (that's where the washer/dryer is) and tried to open the door. No luck. I pushed the "pause" button and tried again. Nope. Hmmmm. So I grabbed the user's manual, which fortunately had a few pages in English. "Wait 5 minutes after drying cycle to open door...." Oh cool, I just need to wait 5 minutes. So I wait longer than 5 minutes and try again. Nope. I'm starting to get frustrated. Maybe I interrupted the cool down process by pausing the unit initially? OK, no problem. I'll run another cycle & let it finish completely. </div>
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So, I set the alarm on my phone for 2 more hours and doze off listening to Brock Huard talking about who the Seahawks will draft. 4:00AM: BEEP, BEEP, BEEP. Here we go again. Try the door again, NOPE. OK I'm starting to panic a bit. What is wrong with this door? I fire up the VPN on my phone and Google "Siemens WD-14H468-TI door stuck." Oh my, lots of similar experiences, most of which ended with a repairman being involved. No way! This won't work for me! So I looked up every trick I could find, including using a string (I took out my shoe lace from one of my shoes) to thread into the door and trip the latch. Close, but NOPE. Then I read more... "unplug the unit & try the emergency release." This HAS to do it! I close the kitchen door, because I know this is going to be noisy, and shimmy the unit out of the cubby space. I unplugged it and gave the emergency release a tug. NOPE. I couldn't grab the plastic tab too well with my fingers, so I found the closest thing to a pair of pliers I could find, scissors... NOPE.<br />
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By now I was nearly in tears. I desperately tried to pry/pick the door with a butter knife, yeah, a butter knife at 4:45 AM. This was my newest daughter's one remaining connection to her past, the only thing she could cling to, while trying bravely to move forward with her new family. Although exhausted and scared, I was NOT going to be denied. I re-laced my shoe, shoved the unit back in place, and made my way to the front desk to see if I could get a pair of pliers. I was convinced if I tugged on that release hard enough it would work. </div>
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5AM: I find a manager and he was very helpful, despite telling me that the washer/dryer was for "long term guests only." He returns to the room with me, and uses his flashlight to make his way to the kitchen. I had closed the bedroom door so as not to startle the girls. He tries all the things I desperately tried hours before but I humored him. He calls on his phone and soon after that another man arrived, but he looked more equipped to handle the problem. The original guy dismisses himself and there we are, the Chinese maintenance man, and me, at 5AM. He tries all the things I did, including reading to me "wait 5 minutes after cycle," to which I patiently (I think) reply, "yes, I did that," He then suggests we run a quick wash cycle, 15 minutes. So we both check our phones for Instagram and WeChat updates... 5:16AM he tries again, NOPE. Then he tries the red emergency release with his leatherman, which I was tempted to grab from him and try it myself. But NOPE.</div>
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At the risk of turning this post into a novella, I'll fast forward to him saying "I'm sorry, we will have repairman come tomorrow (later today he meant). So I usher him out the door quietly, and he says one more time "I sorry" like he knows the look of a desperate father! Anyway after he leaves, I wake Amy to get another opinion before destroying this washer/dryer. She tries a few things and after I confirm this is a 5 alarm emergency, I start getting aggressive with the door. I pried hard enough to actually see the mechanism (that I later would learn was BROKEN!) and just as I was trying to jimmie it open, the handle actually popped off, broken. I. Didn't. Care. There in all its glory was the metal release for the latch. I moved it and BOOM the door opened. Finally. I could also see the reason it wasn't working in the first place... a broken plastic tab. Ugh. Oh well, victory was mine! </div>
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I spent the next 30 minutes supervising a mounted hair drier blowing hot air into the top of Gladdie's pants. I've never been happier to blow dry pants... seriously. I felt like such a huge burden was lifted off my shoulders. Gladdie would be able to wear her outfit again, and it would give her at least a little comfort. We could now begin the day. See Part 2 in next post. :-)<br />
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Simon Millerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00326851017370137234noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-16500074669128228892016-04-28T06:46:00.002-07:002016-04-28T06:46:53.131-07:00Gladdie--Day 4--Barbie, and beads, and laughter. Oh my!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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No tears.<br />
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You guys. We went a FULL day with NO TEARS from Gladdie Mae!<br />
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This is answered prayer, right here! I mean, we know her grief has longevity, and we are not in any way minimizing her experience. But, to go from weeping and begging to go back to "mama" on Gotcha to laughing, giggling, and even saying some English words 3 days later...well, prayer works. In fact, Simon and I joked a couple times today "Okay, friends, you can stop praying now!" (LOL) because Miss Gladdie was so animated, happy, and joyful for most of the day. So much so that we were begging for bedtime.<br />
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We were up and at 'em pretty early today. And before I could even suggest a new outfit, Gladdie was already getting dressed in her Gotcha threads. Good thing I was able to wash them last night. Whew!<br />
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First item on the agenda was breakfast with the koi. The other 3 Gs remember this well from our previous visits here. Gladdie, I'm sure, will remember it fondly from now on. We had a lovely breakfast, and then we took a few pieces of bread and let the 4 Gs feed it to the (huge) koi fish in the Garden hotel's garden pond. Gladdie loved it!<br />
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Next up was a trip to the medical building. Gladdie must "pass" a medical exam in order to receive her US visa to travel home with us next week. She did great! The exam includes ENT, height/weight/hearing/vision screening, general examination, and the dreaded TB test, where blood must be drawn. Gladdie did great in all of them, really. The one time she got very stoic and almost shed a tear or two was after the TB test. She did not cry at having been stuck by a needle, but she was holding the bandage on the crook of her elbow in a way that said, "I can't believe you let them do this to me!" A woman in our group, who speaks Mandarin, said that Gladdie said something about her "mama" but couldn't tell exactly what. But no tears!<br />
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Then, back to our hotel apartment and a trip out for lunch. We ventured out to a chicken wing place, and we discovered that Gladdie likes grape soda and eating chicken legs with a fork.<br />
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Back to our apartment for several hours of bonding. We did all sorts of things: beaded jewelry, basketball, watching videos, playing with Barbie Mulan, "washing" Mulan's hair, getting the bathroom soaking wet...but I digress. Anyway, before we knew it, it was 5 o'clock.<br />
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Oh wait. And hoops, we busted some hoops!<br />
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We were getting low on some things...like water and soda. (We cannot drink the tap water here, so bottled water is a must!) We decided to venture out as a family to a local grocery store called Aeon. I forgot to mention that we were able to secure a stroller form the hotel concierge. Miss Gladdie's special need causes her to walk with a severe limp. And while she's quite resourceful in compensating for her need, when it comes to lots of walking we felt it better to get a stroller. Well, she wouldn't sit in it at first. Okay. We let Gem try it out and we walked a few blocks. After more than one fall, including one in the middle of the street (!), I decided to make Gladdie sit in the stroller. Sure enough, she took to it pretty much right away. After some crazy "driving" by dad, she liked it. She even "bossed" us around like a queen on her throne.<br />
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Anyway, we walked to the store. It's so funny in China. Staring is not considered rude. Can you imagine how many stares we get? One bald guy + one blonde gal + 4 Chinese kids. It's so finny. Sometimes we say "Ni hao" to the starers; sometimes we flash the "V" for victory sign at them.<br />
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Back to our apartment and we decide to order pizza for dinner. Simon calls it in to a Pizza Hut just down the street. When he hangs up, he tells me that he honestly has no idea what kind of pizza he just ordered. #becausechina #lostintranslation<br />
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He goes to get it and I bathe the 4 Gs while he's gone. Lo and behold, he comes back with a pepperoni pizza, just like we wanted. **It's somewhat poignant that Simon and I are celebrating our Promiversary today. On this day, 26 years ago (!), we went on our first date to Kellogg High School's senior prom. That began a relationship that has spanned over 2 decades and 4 children. Simon, I'm so glad I said YES to your prom invitation!!<br />
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After pizza, we offered the Gs a little dessert. I pulled out a sleeve of Oreo cookies, and I thought Gladdie was going to pass out with joy. When she saw them she clapped, hopped up and down, and chortled! After that, brush teeth and into bed! Miss Gladdie put her PJs on and I swooped in to get her Gotcha clothes into the wash.<br />
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We are seeing such a wonderful look into Gladdie's personality. We know she misses her first mama. We know there will be hard days and times ahead. But if today was any indication, we have a very joyful 4th daughter. 4 daughters!! Can you believe it?!?<br />
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Off to the Guangzhou Safari Park tomorrow. Goodnight for now.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04946579247957621257noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-29921119398987767172016-04-27T06:54:00.003-07:002016-04-27T06:54:26.998-07:00Gladdie--Day 3--Dirty ClothesGladdie seems to be the most vulnerable to grief in the morning. I think it's because she wakes up, having forgotten about her circumstances while she sleeps, and has to remember them all over again. And with the remembering, come the emotions. So...this morning was a tough one.<br />
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Gladys came to us wearing a sweet outfit that her "first" mother dressed her in. She wore it all day Gotcha day, and all day yesterday, having refused to take it off. Well, after being worn for 2 days, the outfit was in need of a wash. I decided to lay out a cute outfit for her to wear today and launder her Gotcha outfit as soon as laundry services became available.<br />
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Well.<br />
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Things didn't go quite as well as planned. You see, Miss Gladdie equates that Gotcha outfit with her "mama." If the outfit goes away, then so does "mama." It's pretty much that simple (but not). Needless to say, she refused my cute outfit in favor of her stinky, dirty one.<br />
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I tried a little Foster Cline love and logic on her, to no avail. I tried to show her how stinky her socks were, to no avail. I thought I compromised to let her wear her pants but my shirt. No such luck.<br />
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She was in tears at this point. And so was I. I was overwhelmed with the loss that she has experienced, and I broke down right along with her.<br />
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She was mourning the foster mother that she knew and loved so well. I was mourning the fact that this precious child was separated from, not just ONE, but TWO different families. Oh, the injustice of it all!<br />
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So, rather than get myself into a power struggle over clothes, I swallowed what pride I had taken in dressing Gladdie in a cute outfit, and I wept as I dressed her in her dirty clothes again.<br />
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The Lord quite clearly showed me that this is what happens to His saints. When we accept salvation through Christ, He takes our dirty laundry from us and dresses us in beautiful robes of grace and righteousness. So often, though, we prefer the dirty, old clothes over the robes of righteousness. We think we're missing out on something by not wearing the dirty clothes. We are comfortable in the dirty clothes and don't want to be taken out of our comfort zone by the new robes. And yet, Christ accepts us back each and every time, and calmly, and maybe with some weeping, re-dresses us in our new clothes.<br />
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The rest of the day was quite a blur. We had to fly to Guangzhou in southern China today to begin completing the American side of Gladdie's adoption. A Chinese holiday coming up on Monday forces us to move everything up by 2 days.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Goodbye selfie at the airport with our Chinese guide, Michael. </td></tr>
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Gladdie flew in her first plane like a boss. It's like she didn't even notice we weren't on the ground any more. Hopefully this bodes well for the 12 hour flight home.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Killing some time at the airport</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Checking out Gracie's stuffed animals</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Taking pictures with the iPad</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Taking pictures w/ Gracie's iPod</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">But first... let's take a selfie....</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Playing with JieJie before the flight to Guangzhou</td></tr>
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We arrived in GZ around 3 local time and checked back into our favorite Chinese hotel...The Garden. We've stayed here for 3 out of 4 adoptions and we just love it. Never have we stayed in such a swanky place. But, I have to say, with all the emotional turbulence that comes with adoption, where we stay in-country should be a peaceful experience.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Checking in at the Garden Hotel</td></tr>
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We took the 4 Gs to McDonald's for an easy dinner. Miss Gladdie loved dunking her nuggets in sweet 'n' sour sauce.<br />
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Now we're getting ready for bed and a big day tomorrow...medical exam.<br />
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Good night from Guangzhou. I have to go do some laundry.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04946579247957621257noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-26261297972093822822016-04-26T06:32:00.000-07:002016-04-26T06:32:23.675-07:00Gladdie--Day 2--Harmonious Period"Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning."<br />
"You've turned my mourning into dancing again; you lifted my sorrow."<br />
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These two verses have new meaning for me. Having witnessed firsthand a transformation like none other, I know they are true. We have the bravest girl and the most merciful Father.<br />
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Let's start at the beginning...<br />
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We left off last blog with Miss Gladdie choosing to sleep on the floor by the door in case she was allowed to go back to her "mama." Heartbreaking for sure. But, this little one was so exhausted from her difficult and trying day that she fell right to sleep and slept for ELEVEN HOURS!! Hallelujah!!<br />
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I was there with her when she woke up..."Ni hao, Yu Chun" (Hello, Yu Chun). She was groggy at first, but I could tell when it clicked where she was and what had transpired the previous day, and she started to weep again. Not an angry weeping, but the most sorrowful, saddest mourning I think I've ever heard. She put her coat on almost right away; she had slept in her shoes, but I had to put one back on as it had come off during the night. But she was ready to go. Truly hoping with all her being--and her tears--that she could go back to "mama" today.<br />
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She did go with us up to breakfast...with her coat on. BUT...she left her backpack in our room. Baby steps. In between weeping and watching Strawberry Shortcake, she ate a boiled egg, mandarin orange slices, 2 pieces of watermelon, some apple juice, and some fruity yogurt drink (these things are like liquid yogurt and are the bomb dot com, but we can't find them anywhere in the US). We were SO thankful that she was eating! Many children, upon being adopted, refuse to eat anything for days. This was so good for Gladdie.<br />
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Then we had to go back to the office where we met Gladdie yesterday to finalize the adoption today. China calls this 24 hour period the "harmonious" period. We were nervous to take her back to the place where she first met us and had to say goodbye to her old life. She was weepy all the way over. Weepy once we got there, and on occasion, put her head down on her folded hands and just sobbed "MAMA" for minutes at a time. Heartbreaking! She DID have her backpack with her at this point, but I'm glad she did. She was able to pull out a favorite photograph of her foster family and weep over it from time to time. She would point to each person and name them (mama, baba, etc) and just weep.<br />
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Well, we finished the paperwork and received our official "RED BOOK" adoption decree. This makes it final, legit, and real. GLADDIE IS A MILLER!!!<br />
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She wept in the car on the way back to the hotel, and once inside our room, took up position in her same spot on the floor by the door. Coat on, backpack packed and ready to go at a moment's notice. But, she stopped crying. We sat with her for a bit, listened, but there were no tears.<br />
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From that point, 10:30 am, until we put her to bed at 8 pm tonight, there have been no tears. She went from iPad apps, to coloring in books, to building with legos, and back again all day long. We pulled out things like nerf basketball hoops and balloons, and the Gladdie we got a glimpse of yesterday reappeared. She was giddy at some points with excitement and joy. Batting the balloon around, throwing the ball at the hoop...in fact, she got so warm that SHE voluntarily took her own coat off! Baby steps.<br />
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When she colored, she would pick a crayon and I would say the color then look for the same color somewhere else to reinforce. She started doing that on her own. Choosing green, and pointing to something green on her shoe, etc. When she finished a coloring project, she made sure to get my attention and show it to me. I clapped and said "YAY!" and did the sign for applause. She smiled.<br />
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We made some instant noodles in our room, and when I asked Gladdie if she wanted some, she agreed. Baby steps. She ate a whole bowl of noodles and a banana for lunch.<br />
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It is SO important to foster attachment between adopted child and adoptive parents, that really and truly the parents should meet each and every need the child has for as long as it takes for trust to build. It is especially true the younger the child. But still true for older children. But since Gladdie doesn't have as many specific needs as a baby or younger child has, we feel comfortable allowing the 3 Gs to step in at times and be there for Gladdie. In fact, all on her own, Gia came up to Gladdie when she was crying and started to stroke her arm and pat her back.<br />
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Anyway, we asked the Gs to sit with Gladdie from time to time...all the while she was still sitting on the floor by the door. During some of these times, we heard the BEST giggles, Gladdie's voice putting the smackdown, and general silliness! Music to these parents' ears!<br />
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Finally, dinnertime rolled around. We decided to go to the noodle shop in the hotel since it was rainy and dark outside. Gladdie came willingly with her iPad but...NO COAT OR BACKPACK!!! More baby steps. Actually, that was a HUGE step for her! She even grabbed Gracie's hand to hold at one point.<br />
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She ate a great meal of fried rice and noodles. She even drank jasmine tea with me. She is a silly, silly girl. We can tell that she was the apple of her foster parents' eye. And rightly so. She is just a peach.<br />
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She's a tiny peach, though. Comparing her to Gracie, who is quite petite herself, I was amazed at how small Gladdie is for her age. Can't wait to get her to the doctor and see if she even lands on any of the US growth charts. Also, I'm sure all the clothes I brought for her are too big.<br />
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Back to our room after dinner and we decided it was bath time. I was worried about this. I knew it would be a struggle for Gladdie when I suggested bath. I knew she wouldn't want to take her clothes off. The clothes that her sweet foster mother had dressed her in the day before. But, it needed to be done. I started untying her shoes. She shook her finger at me and shook her head no, but I kept going. Slowly. I showed her that I would set them right next to her. She seemed okay with that and started undressing the rest of the way.<br />
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She got in the tub with Gem, and I started to wash her with the washrag when she took it from me and shook her finger "no" at me again. She did all by herself. She even got her hair wet and washed/rinsed it on her own. What a big girl! She did NOT like the PJs I picked out for her, but when we made a compromise of her wearing the PJs but not the socks, she agreed. She also did NOT like how I brushed her hair to the side. Nope. Straight down in her eyes, thank you very much.<br />
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When it was time for bed, she even agreed to brush her teeth with her Barbie toothbrush AND sleep in bed with Gia. Huge, giant baby steps!<br />
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We don't for one second believe that her grieving is over and that everything's hunky dory. Not for one second. But we do believe in the power of prayer, that God is giving her the courage to walk the path He has set in front of her day by day, and that His mercies are new every morning.<br />
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Thank you for your continued coverage of prayers. We love sharing our journey with you all!<br />
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04946579247957621257noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-86927696355576053322016-04-25T05:18:00.002-07:002016-04-25T20:21:57.845-07:00Gladdie Day (Gotcha)Months and months ago, when this adoption was still in its infancy, when I learned that Gladys was living in a foster home, I knew that Gotcha (and the ensuing transition) would be difficult. I knew it all the months that we went through the adoption stages. And when I learned that not only was Gladys in foster care, but that she'd been with the same family for FIVE years, I really knew it...this transition was going to be H.A.R.D.<br />
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I knew it last night when I woke up 3 or 4 times. I knew it when I tried to eat breakfast and had butterflies in my stomach. I knew it when we were driving to meet Gladys and my hands were shaking. I knew it when we arrived at the meeting place and my mouth was dry.<br />
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I knew it.<br />
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Then, in walks this teeny, tiny, larger-than-life, little spitfire! I was instantly captivated! She has possibly the worst "bowl" haircut known to man, but oh, my! The personality bursting out of this little one was something amazing to see!<br />
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She walked into that civil affairs office full of life. "Bossing" her nanny/orphanage director around. She set her backpack on the table and immediately started pulling things out to show us. She pulled out the photo album we sent her. She turned to Simon's and my picture, and she slapped my wrist to get my attention...pointed at me and then at the picture. Yes, she's a smartie, too. She did the same, pointing out Gracie, Gia, and Gemma in their pictures as well.<br />
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We had commissioned Gracie to use her iPod to take some videos of our first meeting with Gladdie. Boy howdy, if Gladys didn't march right up to Gracie, swipe that iPod right out of her hand and start manipulating it like a pro.<br />
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We had to get a picture of Simon, Gladys, and me for the adoption decree. She let me pick her up onto my lap. As soon as the camera came out, she flashed a big grin and the "V" for victory sign (this is a HUGE thing in China).<br />
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I was almost tempted to forget about the whole 5-years-with-a-foster-family thing. Almost.<br />
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Then the orphanage director and nanny slipped out of the room. Gladdie started packing up her things to go after them. Our guide tried explaining that she was staying with us. That didn't go over too well. She continued to pack her things. We left at about the same time. Loaded her into the van, buckled her in. And that's when the tears started.<br />
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I knew they would come. I knew it. Of course, a part of me had hoped they wouldn't. But another part of me knew that if she didn't grieve, we would be in even more trouble.<br />
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Let me explain a little something about adoption...especially older child adoption. There is ALWAYS loss associated with adoption. ALWAYS. Our little ones NEED to grieve the losses they experience in order to make sense of what's happening to them and embrace those changes. If they don't grieve, that means the transition will be that much more difficult for the child, and attachment/bonding between the child and the new parents will be very difficult.<br />
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So, because I knew that she had been in foster care with the same family for so long, and because I knew her grief would be great, I was ready for the tears. In my heart, I told myself to let her grieve however she sees fit.<br />
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Poor, sweet, baby!<br />
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I can't count the number of times she said--over and over--"first mama!" "first mama!" And then she kept repeating a phrase over and over, which I'm sure meant "let me go!" or "I want to leave!" She even grabbed my hand, took me over to the hotel room door, and stood there waiting for us to go out. The look in her eyes when she begged me to leave will probably haunt me forever.<br />
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I kept telling myself over and over that this is what is best for her. She cannot see it now, but we see a larger piece of the puzzle and we know that we know this is for her good.<br />
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She would not leave the door. She even put her backpack on at one point. We were able to slightly distract her a couple times with coloring and legos. She actually built a very impressive lego structure, and I was fascinated how she could look at a void to fill and find the exact right-sized piece to put in. All the while, she cried, and begged for her "mama."<br />
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In her backpack were many snapshots of her and her foster family. She pored over those pictures, especially the ones with her "mama" in them. I'm so glad she has them, though! What a treasure!<br />
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Well, you get the picture. Based on my own previous experiences and all that we've read and studied about adoption, I decided my best course of action was not to force her to do anything. I stayed down at her level. I stayed close...within inches. And I touched her as much as she would allow me to. And if she wouldn't allow touching then I just stayed close. All the while praying--out loud--and trying to use a soothing voice.<br />
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After physically wearing herself out, she just didn't have any more energy. Poor thing! She slumped down to the floor and I could tell in her eyes that she knew she was defeated in her attempts to get away. It was so, so sad. But, I knew, so, so necessary. Because it was at that point that she let her sisters comfort her.<br />
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Speaking of her sisters, the 3 Gs were absolute ROCK STARS today! That doesn't mean that they all weren't in tears at various points throughout the day. But it does mean that they completely empathized with their new sister and stepped up to the plate. Each one, in her own way, did her best to comfort Gladdie...stroking her arm, showing her an iPad app, sitting next to her while she colored. Such wonderful big sisters. Gladdie seemed to really take to Gracie...at one point, even sitting right up next to her and leaning her head on Gracie's arm.<br />
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This is why we fundraised to bring our girls with us. This right here.<br />
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Well, the Gs were exhausted, but I had no idea how to bring about bedtime. All the Gs got into PJs and brushed teeth. I asked Gladdie if she wanted PJs. NO. I asked Gladdie if she wanted to sleep in bed with Gracie. NO. We tucked the Gs in and turned off the lights. Mind you, it was only 7:30. That's what kind of day today was. Anyhow, as soon as the lights were out, Gladdie lay down on the floor by the hotel door. She let me put a blanket on her and I saw her finally...finally take off her coat. 10 hours after we met her. She is currently sound asleep on the floor. Sweet, sweet girl!<br />
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All of our Gotcha Days have been different. As they should be. God has uniquely formed each of these precious girls into the personalities they have today, so each one reacts to her surroundings differently. We are blessed to be the parents of these 4 amazing children. Does that mean every day is better than the one before? Not necessarily. Does that mean Gladdie won't be upset tomorrow? Absolutely not. We still have a long way to go building trust with Gladys Mae and learning what makes her tick.<br />
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But we know that He who called us is faithful, and He will do it. Amen.<br />
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P.S. We want you to know that when we post updates on FB or ask for prayer for a certain situation, we don't want you to panic. :) Not that we have experienced this exact set of circumstances before, but we expected much grieving and more to come. We have been very well prepared, but we want you to know how to specifically pray for us and our girls. And also to show the ashes from which beauty will rise in His good time.Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04946579247957621257noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-31412916209234057082016-04-24T04:46:00.000-07:002016-05-12T13:12:17.705-07:00Gotcha Day Eve--All The Feels<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hefei, April 24, 2016</td></tr>
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Nearly 2 years ago, <a href="http://www.vandalgrads.com/2014/05/journey-to-gia-day2-gotcha-day-eve-ii.html" target="_blank">I blogged</a> on the eve before we got to meet Gia Pearl for the first time. It sure doesn't seem like 2 years have passed. The memories are intense and intricate, almost to the point you can feel them in the air. One would think that on the 4th "Gotcha Day Eve," we would be used to this routine, confident with what to expect, but once again, the anticipation is palpable. After 15 hours of traveling across the world, it is tough to distinguish between the fatigue and the emotions.<br />
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1dfOdCoJwps/VxyV-N5udsI/AAAAAAAB-j4/2C8QwCWaJak3KFFN2zQnb4HVqZC3hOwAwCKgB/s1600/IMG_0355.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-1dfOdCoJwps/VxyV-N5udsI/AAAAAAAB-j4/2C8QwCWaJak3KFFN2zQnb4HVqZC3hOwAwCKgB/s320/IMG_0355.JPG" width="320" /></a>The best way I can describe what we are feeling is to go back to 2004 on the day we met 10 month old Gracie Faye. We were in a bus with 4 other families who were meeting their daughters for the first time too, and our guide, Michael, was talking over the bus PA system, trying his best to prepare us for that life changing event. I can still hear his words in my mind, like it was yesterday. "I can hear your hearts beating," he said, as we neared our destination, the place we would meet our first daughter, for the very first time. That phrase rings as true today as it did over a decade ago. As we try to rest in our hotel room, I can hear our hearts beating.<br />
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Each of the days we met our precious daughters for the first time have been unique. Gracie Faye was just 10 months old. She quietly sucked her thumb while Amy and I nervously entered parenthood that hot September day. Gemma Lu was just 4, but was old enough to know how monumental the moment was, and her fear manifested in a sweat soaked 45 minute daddy bear hug. Nearly 2 years ago, we were greeted by Gia Pearl's larger than life smile and courageous acceptance, holding in all her fear and anxiety, and grief, except during those quietly intense sobs, that represented leaving everything she knew, including a wonderful friend. Three encounters, all different, but also so much the same. I get tired just recalling those days, and the tangible memories they evoke.<br />
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For the last few days, my mind has been overloaded with thoughts about when we finally get to meet Gladys Mae. Knowing the fear she must have, my prayers are that her desire for a forever family are greater. Of the many things we have learned and experienced during the processes of adopting Gracie, Gemma, and Gia, and the accompanying preparation that has been required, is the grief that these children are burdened with. Knowing this means we can be more prepared for what our newest daughter might be feeling, but also keenly aware of what that might look like. Additionally, Gladys has been cared for by a foster mom, rather than in an orphanage/institution. This in itself, already makes tomorrow unique from our previous three gotcha days. What we experience tomorrow will surpass any anticipations or preconception we have. It is a surreal anticipation of unconditional love, that is impossible to explain or predict.<br />
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So, no matter what it looks like tomorrow, Gladdie Mae, we want you to know that you are already loved more than you can imagine. Your mom, dad, and sisters are beyond ready to meet you, and we hope you can hear our hearts beating as we prepare to be united with you for the first time.<br />
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<br />Simon Millerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00326851017370137234noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-15874193931065806152016-04-12T17:07:00.005-07:002016-04-12T17:12:10.280-07:00The WaitIn this fast-paced society, the word "wait" is looked down upon, not used very often, or used with disdain.<br />
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<span style="font-size: xx-small;"> <span class="irc_ho" dir="ltr" style="margin-right: -2px; overflow: hidden; padding-right: 2px; text-overflow: ellipsis; unicode-bidi: isolate;">blog.sqlauthority.com</span></span><br />
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I admit that I sometimes buy into the notion that I shouldn't have to wait. Why should I wait? If I want it, I should have it. Now.<br />
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The enemy of my soul wants me to buy into that lie.<br />
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Christianity certainly is a confusing mixture of paradoxes. On the one hand, we tell God to "lead me where my trust is without borders." We agree with Him that we are to adopt a 4th child. We go through the necessary process, paperwork, medical exams, financial screenings, criminal history background checks, face-to-face interviews with a social worker, fundraisers, grant-writing, etc., etc., etc. To get where we are today: waiting on the FINAL step before we can travel to get Gladdie.<br />
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And God says WAIT. Just that one word. Wait.<br />
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<span class="irc_ho" dir="ltr" style="margin-right: -2px; overflow: hidden; padding-right: 2px; text-overflow: ellipsis; unicode-bidi: isolate;">www.pecsaustralia.com</span><br />
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All my adoptive-mom friends who are in the process too have achieved the final step. They are almost to travel or have already come home with their children.<br />
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But why, Lord? Why should we have to wait? We have done what you asked. We have "jumped through the hoops." We have crossed the "T"s and dotted all the "I"s. Why would you have us come ALL THIS WAY and then tell us to wait???? Why would you lead us SO FAR beyond the comfortable, easy borders of our trust to leave us in the tundra of The Wait??<br />
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Why, indeed.<br />
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Doesn't He WANT Gladdie to be in a better situation? Doesn't He WANT us to be united as a family? Doesn't He WANT to use our story to touch the hearts of others?<br />
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Then why the WAIT?<br />
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It's easy to get discouraged. I've cried MANY a tear in the last 3+ weeks, waiting for this final step of the process.<br />
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The answer?<br />
<b>He is God.</b><br />
<b>He is good.</b><br />
<b>He does all things well.</b><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="background-color: white;">"<span class="highl" style="color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;">For My thoughts are not your thoughts, Nor are your ways My ways," declares the LORD.</span></span><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;">"For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He is omnipotent. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He knows and sees all. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">He reads the entire book of humanity; I see a snippet of one page.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I do not need to know the outcome of this adoption journey because He already does. </span></span><br />
I do not need to know why we wait, because He already knows.<br />
All I need to do is to be obedient in the wait. So, I will.<br />
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Is it easy? No.<br />
Painful? Sometimes.<br />
Fun? No.<br />
Scary? Yes.<br />
Uncomfortable? Yes.<br />
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<b>Patience-creating?</b> YES<br />
<b>Trust-inducing?</b> YES<br />
<b>Disciple-making?</b> YES<br />
<b>Faith-growing?</b> YES<br />
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I will wait. And my Father will come through. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. Maybe not for a while.<br />
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But He will. Of that I am sure.<br />
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Lord, "lead me where my trust is without borders," even if that means to The Wait.<br />
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<span class="text Isa-40-31" id="en-KJV-18452" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>But they that wait upon the <span class="small-caps" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; font-variant: small-caps;">Lord</span> shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.</b></span></span><br />
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<h1 class="passage-display" style="box-sizing: border-box; line-height: 1.1; margin: 0px 0px 20px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit; font-size: small;"><span class="passage-display-bcv" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; display: inline; margin: 0px; padding-right: 10px;">Ephesians 3:20</span></span></h1>
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<span class="text Eph-3-20" id="en-KJV-29272" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us</span></b></span></div>
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Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04946579247957621257noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-58140273792579756992016-02-13T13:15:00.002-08:002016-02-13T13:18:46.704-08:00If I Told You My Story<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">If I told you my story, you wouldn't believe it.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You wouldn't believe it if I told you that God moved me 300+ miles from the metropolis of my birth to a middle-of-nowhere town and that's where I met my husband.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You wouldn't believe it if I told you that after YEARS of trying to get pregnant and experiencing infertility God gifted us with parenthood through adoption.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You wouldn't believe it if I told you that we traveled to another country to meet our first child through adoption.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">You wouldn't believe it if I told you that we went back to that same country 2 more times to adopt our precious children.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And you probably wouldn't believe it if I told you that here we are--going back to that same country a FOURTH time for our fourth daughter.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It's incomprehensible.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Truly.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">But that's God. His love for us is SO much more than we can even comprehend. There are no words that can describe it. There just aren't.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">That's why I say if I told you my story, you wouldn't believe it. Because God's love is unbelievable!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">How can One so perfect lavish His love and grace on me--one who is so NOT perfect??</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">It's indescribable!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">"See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" 1 John 3:1</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;">"</span><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;">The grace of our Lord was poured out on me abundantly, along with the faith and love that are in Christ Jesus." 1 Timothy 1:14</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;">"</span><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;">Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us..." Ephesians 3:20</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">So. Here we are, on the threshold of our 4th adoption from China. About to meet a child who has little to no knowledge of us. We rest in our knowledge of Him who called us to this adventure, and we fully rely on His love and grace to guide us.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">See? I told you you wouldn't believe my story.</span></span><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: "trebuchet" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"> </span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: "trebuchet" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"><br /></span><span style="background-color: #fdfeff; color: #001320; font-family: "trebuchet" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;">Please listen.</span><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/t8TBoR-GSso" width="480"></iframe>Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04946579247957621257noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-13317475004235087282016-02-01T08:08:00.003-08:002016-02-01T08:08:49.996-08:00Getting Close!Well, we are <strike>anxiously</strike> patiently waiting for our LOA/LSC from China. This is the letter which says China gives us permission to adopt Gladys. Without this document, we cannot move forward in our process. We are on day 55 of waiting...this is on the LONG side for LOA waits in recent months. Not sure why we have waited so long, but we sure hope to receive our LOA this week as all of China will close next week for Chinese New Year.<br />
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In the meantime, we decided to launch our final fundraiser before travel: t-shirts.<br />
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Simon put a link to our t-shirt "shop" in the right of this blog -------------------------------------------><br />
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Here is the link again, for good measure: <a href="http://goingtogladdie.bigcartel.com/">goingtogladdie.bigcartel.com</a><br />
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We have 2 styles, 5 colors, and multiple sizes. Please feel free to share this link with your family and friends.<br />
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Our goal is to sell 100 shirts!<br />
Thank you for your help!<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oCS_kjU6yXc/Vq-Ctd4dyHI/AAAAAAAAL6A/SHjXfHF2FRo/s1600/Amy%2BMiller%2Bshirt5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-oCS_kjU6yXc/Vq-Ctd4dyHI/AAAAAAAAL6A/SHjXfHF2FRo/s320/Amy%2BMiller%2Bshirt5.jpg" width="291" /></a></div>
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04946579247957621257noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-85730139121920028842015-08-25T18:39:00.000-07:002015-08-25T18:53:47.070-07:00Blessings In Disguise<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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After the day I had, car breakdown on freeway, towing, 10 hours of waiting for repairs, it would be really easy to just complain. A lot of misfortune happened, at the worst of times. It would be easy to have a "why me" pity party, but I am instead aware of the many blessings that I encountered today:<br />
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1. The car broke down going downhill, by an exit so it was easy to pull off the Interstate & pull over to a safe location.<br />
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2. My in-laws ( Connie & Rodger Peterson) so graciously pay for Amy and I to have AAA coverage every year, so I could get a tow truck dispatched quickly.<br />
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3. I trust the mechanic who works on our vehicles, and was referred to him by the same great co-worker who left me a Starbucks "get well" card at said mechanic's shop on his way to work.<br />
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4. My wife was already going to CDA/Post Falls w/ the Gs for shopping and dental appt, so I got to spend extra time with them.<br />
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5. I have a job that allows me to work remotely and get just as much done as if I were physically there.<br />
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6. I have great co-workers who don't miss a beat if I'm gone. In fact, they more than make up for it, and never complain.<br />
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7. I got to share our adoption stories with our mechanic and his wife while waiting for the repairs.<br />
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8. Even though adoption expenses have depleted most of our savings, because I have such a frugal wife, and because I got some extra opportunities to make money this Summer, we are able to pay for our repairs.<br />
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9. Bonus: No cavities for any of the 3 Gs!<br />
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I could go on and on, but I'll stop for now. I'll also admit that these items didn't come to me "naturally," today, I had my bouts of selfishness and impatience, believe me. But in the end, after driving home and reflecting on the day, I was made aware of how much I have to be thankful for! Blessings are all around us. Sometimes we just have to look harder for them.<br />
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<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-17230850209126401052015-07-21T18:06:00.002-07:002015-07-21T18:06:52.782-07:00What's In a Name?I have always been fascinated by names. I can remember as a child, poring over my mom's baby name book from the '50s. I loved learning the meanings of names. (For example, I knew at that young age, that if a name has a negative meaning, no matter how pretty the name itself was, I would not use it for my child.) I also loved to learn the country of origin of all these names! It was FASCINATING to me. My sisters and I had imaginary broods of children with exotic names from all over the world.<br />
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**Side note: I never set out to be the mom who names her kids with names that all began with the same letter. In fact, in my <strike>opinionated</strike> naive youth, I thought it was ridiculous for parents to do that. Haha! Joke's on me! We named "Gracie" because I loved the name. I already had "Gemma" on board, not even thinking about the "G" connection. Then we started calling them the "Gs." So, when G3 (and now G4) came along, we had no choice BUT to find G names. </div>
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But I digress.</div>
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Back to names, meanings, and origins. (I should have majored in this in college!) Here are the meanings of the 3 "G" names we have used so far. I think you'll understand why I love them so.</div>
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GRACIE: English, diminutive of Grace; meaning <span style="color: red;"><b>God's gift of love</b></span> (interestingly, people still call her Grace...11 years after joining our family!)</div>
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GEMMA: Italian; meaning <span style="color: red;"><b>gem, jewel, or precious stone</b></span></div>
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GIA: Italian; meaning <span style="color: red;"><b>God is gracious</b></span></div>
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Our children ARE precious jewels in our (and our heavenly Father's) eyes, and He has been SO gracious and loving to allow us to be their parents. </div>
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So. While we were waiting to travel for Gia, I posted in an adoptive parent group on FB that I needed to come up with more "G" names. I already had "Gia" in mind at the time, but it didn't hurt to garner more suggestions. That's where I discovered G4's name...before we even traveled for G3. Only God could do that.</div>
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Without further ado, here is G4's name:</div>
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<span style="color: magenta; font-size: x-large;"><b>GLADYS MAE</b></span></div>
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<span style="color: magenta; font-size: x-large;"><b><br /></b></span></div>
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Okay, okay. Before you freak out over "Gladys," let me explain.</div>
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I told you that I posted in a FB group for "G" name suggestions. Gladys was given, but there was a story behind it. A member of that FB group led me to <a href="http://justus.anglican.org/resources/bio/73.html" target="_blank">this story</a> of another Gladys. Not only was she British (yay! I'm an Anglophile), but she was a missionary to China. CHINA! Amazing.</div>
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Okay, so I was intrigued by the name "Gladys." But, what does it mean? (Remember what I said about meanings...no matter how pretty/meaningful the name, if its meaning is negative, then no go.)</div>
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I did a Google search of "Gladys," and here's what first popped up: </div>
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<span class="_Tgc" style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16px;"><b>"Gladys</b> or Gladice is a feminine name from the Welsh name Gwladus or Gwladys, which bears the <b>meaning</b> of royalty (princess) or the gladiolus flower." (Wikipedia)</span></div>
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<span class="_Tgc" style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: 16px;">Ok. I can work with the "royalty (princess)" meaning, no problem. She's a princess in God's kingdom! But what about the "gladiolus" part? Back to Google I went.</span></div>
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<span style="line-height: normal; text-align: left;">"Old English (originally denoting the </span><i style="line-height: normal; text-align: left;">gladdon</i><span style="line-height: normal; text-align: left;">, a purple-flowered iris), from Latin, diminutive of </span><i style="line-height: normal; text-align: left;">gladius</i><span style="line-height: normal; text-align: left;"> ‘sword’ (used as a plant name by Pliny)." (Wikipedia) </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-align: center;">Hmmm. Sword. Hmmm. Well, I can work with that. </span><br /><div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Again, thinking of this precious girl and all that she's endured.</span></div>
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<li><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">she was born with a special need</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">she was with her first family until she was 2 (TWO!!!) before being relinquished into care</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">she has undergone AT LEAST 1 major surgery</span></li>
<li><span style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">she has to deal with her special need daily for all her life</span></li>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Okay. She's a WARRIOR. So the "sword" meaning definitely applies here.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">So. In summary, our darling 4th daughter is named after a BRAVE British woman who took the Gospel to China in the 1930s; and she is a WARRIOR PRINCESS in the kingdom of God.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Not too shabby, I'd say. :)</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">P.S. We realize the name "Gladys" is quite old fashioned. We plan to call her "Gladdie" most of the time. And how perfect is that? She looks like a pretty GLAD little girl. And how GLAD we are to call her our daughter!</span></div>
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<span style="color: #222222; font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">P.P.S. The middle name "Mae" is Simon's mother's middle name. So, we'll have 2 girls with Peterson middle names, and 2 girls with Miller middle names. :) </span></div>
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Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04946579247957621257noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-59729323572591639072015-07-16T20:38:00.001-07:002015-07-16T20:38:10.901-07:00The Struggle IS RealMany of us use the phrase #thestruggleisreal for humorous anecdotes or in an ironic manner for inconsequential events in our lives. I've said it many times myself.<br />
<br />
But for many kids who've been adopted, the struggle IS real.<br />
<br />
What struggle? you might ask.<br />
<br />
The struggle to find their "new" identity.<br />
The struggle to learn and use a new language.<br />
The struggle to find and understand their place and role in the family.<br />
The struggle to forge bonds/relationships with siblings.<br />
The struggle to learn to tell mom and dad what they need, think, fear, and worry about.<br />
The struggle to express love.<br />
<br />
It is a real and hard thing.<br />
<br />
Gia has been with us for over a year now. Many of you who know us and/or see us on a regular basis might think that Gia has attached with us; she's speaking English tremendously well; she seems to be happy.<br />
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And those are all true.<br />
<br />
Overall, she has adjusted beautifully. She had--and still has, once in a while--bouts of grief that were overwhelming and quite debilitating at first. This was to be expected, and even welcomed, in an older child adoption. The depth of her grief means that she formed deep attachments with others in her native country. And that in turn means she knows how and what it feels like to be "attached" to someone else, which will hopefully translate to attachment with us.<br />
<br />
But, she still struggles.<br />
<br />
An example:<br />
Lately, she and Gemma have decided to take turns for who takes a bath first. Both of the times that it's been Gemma's turn to bathe first, Gia has had a meltdown.<br />
<br />
It happened tonight. Sobs and sobs.<br />
<br />
At first, I wanted to say "It's just a bath. It's not worth getting so upset over. We agreed that you and Gemma would take turns."<br />
<br />
Then, she explained. It wasn't really about the bath at all.<br />
<br />
She told me that what she worried about was that her 2 sisters, already done with their bathing, would start a movie or game while she was still in the bath and she would feel left out.<br />
<br />
A year with us and she still fears being left out. Breaks my heart.<br />
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The next time you assume that a child of adoption is doing well, keep in mind that for them, </div>
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#thestruggleISreal</div>
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<br />Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04946579247957621257noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-62903497117374999742015-07-02T17:47:00.000-07:002015-07-05T21:22:25.344-07:00Un-measurable Data<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_8yJSEdFk4M/VZXLLlrjByI/AAAAAAABJrA/8Une0cH15uQ/s1600/Mrs.%2BStern.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-_8yJSEdFk4M/VZXLLlrjByI/AAAAAAABJrA/8Une0cH15uQ/s320/Mrs.%2BStern.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<br />
I proudly work in public education. I love what I do, and I work with some of the most passionate, caring, selfless, hard working people on the planet. I'm proud of my school district, and I am honored to work alongside the people that all contribute to educating our young people, despite increasingly stressful and difficult working conditions. Our daughters have all had wonderful, talented, and passionate teachers. Mrs. Roach, Mrs. Wick, Mrs. Kilbourne, Mrs. Walker, Mrs. Still, just to name a few. We are so grateful to have these dedicated educators in our district. But there is one teacher I'd like to shine a spotlight on, if I could.<br />
<br />
Gia just completed her first year in an American school while figuring out her first year in the United States after spending 8 years of her life in an orphanage in Shijiazhuang, China. Gia was so brave as she joined our family a year ago, but we knew there would be many challenges when we got back to the USA. Gone were the familiar smells, sights, sounds, and language. Gone were familiar faces of teachers, nannies, and friends. Gia was so brave that it inspired us, but Amy and I were still quite anxious and prayerful.<br />
<br />
All of this would have been plenty for a young girl to take on, but then add the fact that the school she was shown, and pointed out daily, all Summer, was not going to be her school for a while. She would be taken to another school, Kellogg Middle School, while her "real" school was being repaired. The first day, all 230+ students at Sunnyside Elementary were in the gymnasium of Kellogg Middle School, and even I was overwhelmed. That's right, the 43 year old who has lived here my entire life, recognized many familiar faces, and understood the language being spoken, was completely overwhelmed. Brave little Gia had 2 or 3 tears that streamed down her perfect cheeks, but her bravery was still evident.<br />
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Enter Gia's teacher for this school year, Mrs. Stern, who had met with us weeks before hand, and had willingly, and bravely taken on the challenge of having a non English speaking girl, with special needs, in her classroom. From the moment Gia was able to see and start to talk with Mrs. Stern, you could see her confidence and assurance skyrocket. We went into Mrs. Stern's temporary classroom at KMS, which still had the feel of a safe place to learn, thanks to Mrs. Stern's experience and calm demeanor. This dad had tears in his eyes when he got one last hug from Gia the Brave and watched her take Mrs. Stern's hand to step into the journey of a lifetime.<br />
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Even from the first week, we could see progress in Gia's confidence and happiness in her new surroundings. The language was still foreign, the students still strangers, but Mrs. Stern was exactly what Gia needed. After a 1st week of ups and downs, I will never forget the look on Gia's face when I came down the hall of her temporary classroom, to pick her up. (her classroom was in the same building as my office.) She had a smile a mile wide and a spring in her step like she had just conquered the world. Once again, this dad fought back tears of gratefulness and happiness. </div>
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I won't give you a play by play of the entire school year because there would be too much to share. But I wanted to highlight something that has impacted me, and still impacts me today. There is much debate about ways to "improve" or "reform" public education. Technology, accountability, differentiation, highly qualified, adequate yearly progress, the list and the accompanying debates go on and on. However, I happen to feel quite strongly that there is one ingredient in education, that simply cannot be debated or substituted: <b>authentic relationship</b>. You see, you can know your subject matter inside and out. You can have a PhD in education. But none of that matters if you can't connect, and have rapport with your students. Conversely, even if you may not be the most knowledgeable in a particular subject, or have standardized test (yuck) scores that "prove" how great of a teacher you are, if your students know you truly care about them, the other stuff is of little consequence. </div>
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Mrs. Stern genuinely cared for her students, and Gia, and it showed. Yes Gia made academic progress that made us marvel. Mrs. Stern "differentiated" (Education buzzword alert!) for Gia all year long. She went the extra mile to give Gia the individualization she needed. That was all pretty outstanding. But there was a more important area in which Mrs. Stern excelled. Yes Gia was learning lots, but the progress she made as a person, was nothing short of amazing. Thank you Mrs. Stern for being exactly what Gia needed, someone who genuinely and sweetly cared for every part of her development and experiences. I don't know what your classroom "data" shows, Mrs. Stern, but the data I see, the un-measurable data, is off the charts. You have impacted this brave little girl so much, she talks about you every day. She mentions you as often, if not more often than her best friend she had to leave in China, a year ago. </div>
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Gia loves school, and she loves helping others. I fully believe that much of this is because she had a teacher who modeled this for her throughout the school year. Thank you Mrs. Stern, for bravely accepting this challenge, and for making a lifelong impact on our daughter. As you move on from our district, know that this family will miss you dearly, and will be forever grateful for all you have done. </div>
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Someday maybe public education will go back to supporting, appreciating, and rewarding teachers for everything that they do for kids, not simply how their students score on a test. But until then, just know that we acknowledge teachers like Mrs. Stern, who have relationships with students and make a lifelong impact. Thank you for the lifelong reminder, Mrs. Stern. </div>
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<br />Simon Millerhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00326851017370137234noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6146996853417385709.post-46740954584096357692015-06-25T17:33:00.002-07:002015-06-25T17:33:45.180-07:00Because He first loved usWell, well, well. I didn't think I'd be writing this post so soon after adopting Gia P. Simon--for sure!--didn't think I'd be writing this post at all. LOL.<br />
<br />
But God!<br />
<br />
He has a way of reminding me of what His Word says. He often does that through songs.<br />
<br />
This year, two songs that have been playing in my heart and mind a lot are "Do Life Big" by Jamie Grace and "Thrive" by Casting Crowns. Here is a sampling of their lyrics, emphasis mine:<br />
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"<span style="background-color: white; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;">I came to give you life,</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;">So spread your wings and fly,</span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<u>Now go and show no fear</u>,</div>
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<span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;">...</span></div>
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<span style="box-sizing: border-box; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;">Oh, I wanna love, wanna give every day I live,</span></div>
<span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><div style="font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px; text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;">I wanna do life big,</span></div>
<span style="font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><u>I wanna love, serve, and give every chance I get</u>,</span></div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><div style="text-align: center;">
I wanna do life big...</div>
</span></span><span style="box-sizing: border-box;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></div>
</span><span style="font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Read more: <a href="http://www.metrolyrics.com/do-life-big-lyrics-jamie-grace.html#ixzz3e3DZSoFP" style="-webkit-font-smoothing: antialiased; box-sizing: border-box; color: #003399; font-family: proxnov-sbold, arial, sans-serif; outline: 0px; text-decoration: none; text-rendering: optimizeLegibility;">Jamie Grace - Do Life Big Lyrics | MetroLyrics</a> </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: proxnov-reg, arial, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;">"</span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: LintelRegular, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px;">Just to know You and to make You known</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-family: LintelRegular, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px;">We lift Your name on high</span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: LintelRegular, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
Shine like the sun, make darkness run and hide</div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: LintelRegular, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
We know <u>we were made for so much more than ordinary lives</u></div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: LintelRegular, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
It’s time for us to <u>more than just survive</u></div>
</span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: LintelRegular, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px;"><div style="text-align: center;">
<u>We were made to thrive</u>"</div>
</span></div>
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<span style="color: #555555; font-family: LintelRegular, Helvetica Neue, Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: 18px; line-height: 24px;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: LintelRegular, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">http://myktis.com/songs/thrive/</span></span></div>
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<span style="color: blue; font-family: LintelRegular, 'Helvetica Neue', Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif; line-height: 24px;"><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="line-height: 24px;">These songs remind me of the verse John 10:10: <span style="font-family: inherit;">"</span></span></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly."</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 24px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">God doesn't want us just to survive. He wants us to LIVE. Live in Him. Live for Him. </span></span></div>
<br />
I knew that God wrecked my heart for the orphan after we adopted our Little G 10+ years ago. But He solidified that knowledge when I lived through <a href="http://www.vandalgrads.com/2014/05/journey-to-gia-day-4-brokenness-before.html" target="_blank">this day</a>. There was no going back. God had called me--us--to care for the orphan. So far, that had been manifested by us adopting 3 children. I didn't know what the future would hold.<br />
<br />
I admit, I thought God might be calling us to adopt Gia's best friend in China. I wanted it to be so. I mean, what better fairy tale ending to the story of 2 orphans in China who grew up as "sisters" to each other than to actually become sisters in the same family through adoption?? Seriously. Writers and movie producers couldn't write scripts better than this.<br />
<br />
But.<br />
<br />
Weeks and then months passed with no "feeling," "nudge," or even a "whisper" from God that we should pursue Gia's BFF. So I promised myself that I would do all I could now to be able to tell Gia later in life that I did everything in my power to see that her best friend found a family. I started advocating for her.<br />
<br />
I joined 2 (or more) advocacy groups on Facebook where I pleaded for Gia's BFF's life. Please, won't somebody step forward for this precious girl?!? She was well on her way to the magic (or not so magic) age of 14. When, in China, orphans become ineligible for adoption. (BTW--<i><span style="color: red;"><b>She has less than 10 months left before she ages out</b></span></i>.)<br />
<br />
I pleaded. I prayed. I advocated.<br />
<br />
I also saw. Other posts. Of orphans needing families.<br />
<br />
<i>And that's where I saw G4.</i><br />
<br />
She was on an agency's "list" under a specific name. Something about her smile and her ridiculous hair cut caught my attention. She was super cute. She had the same special need as Gia. She was younger than Gem, so would fit perfectly in our family age dynamics. Hmmm....<br />
<br />
Then I asked the agency for her file and all of a sudden that agency didn't have her any more. Oh, man. I guess she wasn't meant to be ours. I was bummed and tried to "find" her on other agency lists to no avail.<br />
<br />
Then one day, she appeared back in the advocacy group...this time with a different agency. That meant that she had not yet been chosen by a family.<br />
<br />
So, out of curiosity, and without talking to Simon first (oops! did I do that?), I asked for her file. The agency gave me all the information they had on this little girl, including pictures and videos. I watched and read, read and watched. I didn't know what to do.<br />
<br />
I knew that Simon's heart was--ahem--<strike>no where near</strike> not exactly where mine was in regards to adopting again. Well. I did the only thing I knew to do. I fasted and prayed about it. For a few days. Asking God to give me a "sign" about whether or not to share my heart for this girl with Simon.<br />
<br />
And then.<br />
<br />
I found out her Chinese name.<br />
<br />
It is the EXACT same as Gia's Chinese name except in reverse order. No kidding.<br />
<br />
Okay, God. I heard you. That was the kicker for me. I shared with Simon that night.<br />
<br />
I was SO NERVOUS to tell him about this girl! And it took him a good 3-4 weeks to ponder, pray, wonder, crunch numbers, and figure stuff out before told me that he was on board. :) Oh, and BTW, even though he "crunched numbers," we still don't have it all figured out.<br />
<br />
(P.S. To be honest, that was THE LONGEST 3-4 weeks of my entire life! But, I pledged to the Lord to be quiet before Him and wait for Him to nudge my husband's heart. Boy am I glad that I did that! I would not have wanted Simon to agree to adopt again because he felt guilty or because I had somehow "forced" it on him.)<br />
<br />
Okay. So he agreed. What next?<br />
<br />
Next, we asked the agency to "lock" her file for us while we got it looked over by a medical professional. The agency said no problem, you have 2 weeks until we "unlock" her file and make it available to other families again.<br />
<br />
Okay. So, I head right to my Facebook adoptive mom groups and ask for recommendations for a doctor to review this child's file. I got one immediately. I sent the file to the doctor, and a day later I received a response.<br />
<br />
I sent the doctor's info to Simon. And he didn't say anything for the next 2 weeks. Eeek! I decided to be quiet before the Lord again and wait. Until the agency sent me this email...<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;">"<span style="background-color: white; color: navy; font-size: 16px;">We’ve had ----- on hold for your family for 2 weeks now, and we are hoping that the additional information we received from the orphanage was helpful. Have you decided if you want to begin the adoption process to make ---- a part of your family?"</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: navy; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">GULP. Decision time.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">We prayed. We talked. We cried. We listed "pros" and "cons." It sounds so harsh and heartless, but unless you've been in our shoes, you probably don't really understand all that goes into a decision to adopt a child...from another country...with special needs. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Obviously, in the end we said YES. We sent in our application to the agency. We sent in our letter of intent to China. And a week later, China gave us pre-approval.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">So, here we are paper chasing again. And in case you're wondering, yes, we have to go through ALL.THE.PAPERWORK again, even though we've done it THREE.TIMES.BEFORE.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">New application.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">New agency.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">New fees.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">New fingerprints.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">New certificates of authenticity.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">New home study.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">New criminal history background checks.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">New financial background checks.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">New medical checks.</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">New everything.</span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">But, if all goes well and China approves us, we will get to look at this face every day for the rest of our lives!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 18px; line-height: 19.7999992370605px;">"</span><span style="font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;">We love because he first loved us." 1 John 4:19</span></span></h1>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 16px; line-height: 24px;">So here we are entering the unknown again. Not because we're very brave; not because we've got this parenting thing figured out; not because we know all the ins and outs of this special need; not because we have more than enough money; not because our house and car are plenty big; not because we're amazing people. We are entering the unknown because of love. The love our Savior has for us. The love that requires a response. Well, our response is we will love again, Lord, because you first loved us. We don't have to have it all figured out. The One who loves us does. And that is enough.</span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">P.S. We realize that there might be some of you scratching your heads and saying to yourselves, I just don't get why they don't adopt Gia's best friend. Well, again, unless you've been in our shoes, you really don't understand all that goes into making a decision of this kind. It's more than a decision to us. It's a calling. And we do not feel called to adopt Gia's friend. </span></span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 16px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">That said, she is still available to be pursued by a family. Could she be YOUR daughter? Let me know, if so, and I can point you in the direction to start your adoption process. :)</span></span><br />
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Amyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04946579247957621257noreply@blogger.com1